Thursday, November 21, 2013

Nov Nov

Ahhh.... Had a hard time trying to remember my password to this blog. It has been ages, hasn't it? Facebook/Instagram/Twitter really killed the blogsphere. Other than those who blog for a living, I don't know anyone else who still update their blogs.

Kind of miss blogging though and I like to read through old blog post and reminisce about the past. Let's see how long I will be able to keep this up. For all you know, the next post will be in about 5,10 years time. The good thing about blogging now is that, no one knows that I still blog, so I can pretty much talk about anything and everything under the sun without thinking too much about what others will think. Cool huh?

How's life for me? Well.. it's a pretty much extremely eventful year. I remember hating 2012 because it was a bad year, but 2013 was downright horrible at every single angle. Work/Home/Health. Everything! In June, I was soooooo stressed up that I kena psoriasis. Oooohhhh... it was a terrible disease I tell you. I was flaky all over and my self esteem was at the lowest point ever. Worse still, I was one of the unlucky few who developed arthritic psoriasis, that saw me being in a wheelchair/on crutches for weeks!

BUT! With all the shits that was going on, I must say that I feel totally blessed as the episode brought me closer to Allah. I have never felt so calm and blessed before. (Okay fine, there were definitely moments when I broke down and cried like a baby. Who wouldn't?!)



I feel so blessed to be surrounded by so many kind people who stood by me the entire time. My husband was such a dear. He took care care of me. Stayed up through the night to feed me my meds, carried me, accompanied me to my hundreds of medical appointments, hugged me, kissed me, told me I'm beautiful. I pray that Allah bless him for his kindness. Ryan prays for me everytime he prays and everytime he saw that I was upset about my condition. My good friends, Samsiah, Kailin, Fida, Mic, Shah, Hana.. who kept me entertained with the WA messages.

And my helplessness has made me place ALL my hopes and faith in Him and Him only. And I think that was His plans. For me to go through all these so that I have nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to except for Him. Beautiful huh? I read somewhere, Allah gave us tests because He misses us. Wow!

It was definitely a year to remember. And I thank Allah for every bit of what He has given me. Alhamdulillah

 
(I am reminded of this song, somehow)
 
ALHAMDULILLAH by Yasin feat Too Phat/Dian Sastro
 
Dian Sastro:
Disaat waktu berhenti... kosong
Dimensi membutakan mata, memekakkan telinga
Lalu diri menjadi hampa
Saat paradigma dunia tidak lagi digunakan untuk menerka*
Sadarku akan hadirmu, mematahkan sendi2 yang biasanya tegak berdiri

Yassin:
Ult li albi bissaraha (I'm opening up my heart with honesty)
Hayya nab'idil karaha (Let's avoid the hated and hatred)
Syakkireena a' kulli ni'ma (Let's remain thankful with what we have)
Ba' ideena anil fattana (Let's avoid all lies and sins)

Malique:
Merenungi luar jendela,
Mengagumi kebesaran yang Maha Esa
Ku menilai kehidupan dari sudut berbeza
Tak memadai hanya kecapi rasa selesa
Maukan harta yang mampu beli 1 semesta
Berpesta ke pagi botol bergelimpangan
Kekasih muda bukan takat berpegang tangan
Harta dan jamuan nafsu tidak berkekalan
Bila menjelang tua bukan itu jadi bekalan
Dan jangan puisi ini disalah tafsir pula
Bukan berkhutbah cuma betuli diri jua
Ingin hidup sempurna, aset nilai berjuta,
Saling tukar wanita, senyum dan mati tua.
Bakat dikurnia jangan disalah guna
Jangan kufur nikmat yang diberi percuma
Guna kelebihan untuk hikmah bersama
Jagalah nama hidup penuh pementasan dan drama
Ada berisi ada yang kurus,
Ada melencong ada yang lurus bukan semuanya tulus
Ada sempurna ada kurang upaya
Ada yang jadi buta hanya bila sudah kaya
Sebesar rumah bermula dengan sekecil bata,
Boleh hilang dalam sekelip mata
Ucaplah Alhamdulillah bukannya sukar,
Kerna semua yang kaya atau besar
Tetap Allahuakbar!

Joe Flizzow:
Jadikanlah ku tentera Fisabilillah
Yang tertera di kalimah harap memanduilah
Entah apabila persimpangan tiba,
Hidup penuh dengan rintangan harus kuhadapinya
Harapku tidak lupa diri bila gembira,
Dan cuma mula mencari kau disaat hiba
Ku cuma manusia penuh dengan kesilapan
Tapi bisa membezakan cahaya dan kegelapan
Tabah bila dihalangan duri onak dan cobaan
Teguh bila dicobakan pengaruh kuasa dan perempuan
Oh, Sentiasa legar diminda,
Dikejar dan dipinta dari zaman bermula hingga ke akhirnya
Ku mengerti siapa ku tanpamu disisi
Dan apa guna posesi juga posisi
Sementara ini cuma hanya puisi,
Nukilan tulisan dan bisikan isi hati
Mencari keterangan, menjiwai peranan
Menepati pesanan janji juga saranan
Alhamdulillah atas kurniaan rezeki,
Moga tidak leka dalam perjalanan ini

Yassin:
Ult li albi bissaraha (I'm opening up my heart with honesty)
Hayya nab'idil karaha (Let's avoid the hated and hatred)
Syakkireena a' kulli ni'ma (Let's remain thankful with what we have)
Ba' ideena anil fattana (Let's avoid all lies and sins)

Laihi ya ruhi yara ya laihi
Laihi ya yaruhi ya yara yalaihi...

Ahli Fiqir:
Aku yang memandang di dalam lubuk hati,
Mencari-cari zat rahsia yang katanya tersembunyi
Aku yang melihat, alam meliputi
Wujud menyertai lalu ku pindahkan alam ke dalam mata hati
Aku hakiki, aku mengerti segala yang terjadi, di langit dan di bumi
Gunanya tiada fantasi, pelik dan benar, qada' dan qadar kau berilah ku kekuatan
Agar dapat ku hindarkan segala kesesatan
Usah kau biarkan nafsuku terliur
Dari pandangan majazi ini,
Aku yang bodoh lagi hina amat benar merindui
Moga cahaya lailatul tak membutakan mataku,
Semoga segala puji tak ku meninggi diri
Moga segala janji dapat juga ku penuhi,
Moga dapatku menghadang tikaman dari belakang
Lidah setajam pisau, ku tidak akan risau dengan dugaan,
Cabaran sepanjang perjalanan
Ku pasrah ku akur 7, 8, 6 Alhamdulillah Syukur...

Yassin:
Ult li albi bissaraha (I'm opening up my heart with honesty)
Hayya nab'idil karaha (Let's avoid the hated and hatred)
Syakkireena a' kulli ni'ma (Let's remain thankful with what we have)
Ba' ideena anil fattana (Let's avoid all lies and sins)

Dian Sastro:
Sujudku pun takkan memuaskan inginku
'Tuk hanturkan* sembah sedalam kalbu
Adapun kusembahkan syukur padamu ya Allah
Untuk nama, harta dan keluarga yang mencinta
Dan perjalanan yang sejauh ini tertempa
Alhamdulillah pilihan dan kesempatan
Yang membuat hamba mengerti lebih baik makna diri
Semua lebih berarti akan mudah dihayati
Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah...
 
 
 
 

Friday, April 20, 2012

Hola!

I'm back! Nearly 8 months of inactivy (this blog, not me!).
Watch out this space!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Motherhood

Thank you, Samsiah for introducing this wonderful website to me: www.suhaibwebb.com
That's one of the things I love about having Sam not only as a colleague, but a friend. She's not only my makan kaki, she also inspires me to be better al the time. And for that, I am grateful.

While browsing through the website, I came upon this article, "Mother, Not Matyr", and boy, don't I just agree with everything that's written in it!
Basically, there's 6 ways that mothers can find the balance and get through the tough days of parenthood while at the same time enjoying the whole journey. (and some days, I can tell you, it is EXTREMELY tough to find the enjoyment!)

No 1: I will remind myself daily that my time with my children is precious

I do this all the time when I feel like screaming out loud, "I HATE BEING A MOTHER, GET ME OUT OF HERE!" I try to remind myself that every minute is precious because once I'm back at work, I will miss them soooooo much. And of course, this doesnt last forever.. the hugs, the wanting to be with me, the clinging on to my leg as I try to move from one room to another, the barging into the room as I try to have a moment to myself, the knocking on the door as I try to have some quiet moment hiding in the toilet (yes! I do that!).. There will come a day when all these will stop, when I'm no longer the person that they love the most! And how I dread it!

No. 2: . “I will take care of myself.”

I believe this is just one of the 'occupational hazards' of being a mother. We tend to just give and give and give that we totally forgot about ourselves. Just a few weeks back Shahreil commented, "Kenapa rambut you keras?" I didnt know whether to scream at him or to cry. Of course it's keras! When was the last time I went to the salon?! When was the last time I had time to actually dry my hair properly?! When was the last time I wore a hair mask?! When ?! When?! When?!

I've been pushing back the idea of going to the salon soooo many days because I feel guilty about leaving my kids while I'm out pampering myself. But HEY! A happy mother is afterall a better mother! Having a few hours to myself doing whatever I want doesnt make me a bad mom, does it? So I will try to push that guilt aside and have that salon date (with myself) sometime this week. No more pushing it back!

3. I'm not a perfect mother.

Don't you just hate it when you see a mother who seems to have it all under control? Cos I don't. Most of the time, I feel like Im losing control. But lucky for me, I'm surrounded by mother friends who are in the same state as me. :-)

"We can only do the best that we can with what we have and we should focus on the things that matter – our relationships with them. Dinners won’t always be amazing, the dishes won’t always be clean, and laundry will pile up, but when our kids become adults they won’t remember any of that; rather they will remember the time they spent and the conversations they had with us."

This paragraph really hit me in the face! Sometimes (ok ok... almost all the time!) I am too preoccupied in trying to have everything in the house in perfect order that I neglect my kids. So today, I'm declaring a no-housework day, and will devote all my time to being with them! YEAHHH!!!

NO 4: I will make my marriage a priority.

That's the reason why I NEED the dates with Shahreil. I salute those parents who do not go anywhere without their children. I can't. I have to have those weekly dates or I will just go crazy.

"It is vital we spend time alone with our husband so that we can see each other through the lens of a spouse and not only as a caregiver to our children. "

Other than seeing Shahreil as the father of my boys, I need to see him as my lover, my friend, my buddy, my clown, my companion.. everything that he was before parenthood came along.


No 5: I will value my friendships

Ok, I'm guilty of this. I should go out more often with my friends. Period.

No 6: I will prioritize family dinners

And for this, I will slowly get to it. :-)


Here's to TRYING to be a happier mother!