I Will Remember

It is still hard to talk about him.
But I feel I should so that in years to come, when memories of him slowly but surely fade away, I will still be able to remember him.

I will remember you as the doting uncle who brought me and Abang Ijan to our very first trip to Toys R' Us. Imagine our ecstasy when you told us that we can pick any one item from the store.
I will remember you as the uncle who gave me my first holiday job as the 'napkin-folding officer' when I was still in primary school.
I will remember you as the uncle who, knowing that my parents had a hard time bringing up 6 kids, never failed to buy us the usual dozen of Hari Raya bottled drinks.
I will remember you as the uncle who always gave us $20 during Hari Raya.
I will remember you as the uncle who, again, knowing our parent's plight, sponsored our baju kurung, (material & tailoring)for Pak Busu's wedding.
I will remember you as the uncle who seemed genuinely proud and stroked my hair with so much fatherly love when you saw my Uni scroll.
I will remember you as the uncle who rushed over to bring the starving nieces Nasi Briyani when we were waiting for ayah who was undergoing operation at the hospital.
I will remember you as the uncle who will always chide ayah in the nicest possible way about his smoking habit.
I will remember you as the uncle who cooked and brought one whole pot of mee briyani when Shahreil's side came to ask for my hand in marriage.
I will remember you as the uncle who led the marhaban for all the kenduri's at my house.
I will remember you for cooking the best nasi briyani ever.
I will remember you in your white tshirt and the pink tuala wrapped over your head when you are cooking at weddings.

I wish I have a lot more to remember you by.

You were a good man.
You are now in a better place, Pak Long.
I will remember you in my prayers.

Confessions of a Shopaholic

Before you roll your eyes and think, "Yati pe...what's new?"
I need to set the record staight. Yes. It was a shopping spree yesterday. BUT! Here comes the big but.. It wasn't me who gleefully torpedoed through the racks of Suntec and Marina, it was SHAHREIL BAKRI!

He had a hell of a good time spending his money, which I must say, deservedly
You see, I shop all the time. The mantra being, duit aku, aku punya suka lah. Hehehhe... No no. I think I am an ok shopper, I shop within my means and that's what is important, right?
No Kedai Emas Kampung Melayu people chasing after me.. (Opppss!! Siapa makan cili, dia terasa pedas ye!)
Oh, back to Shahreil.
I backed him up 100% when he said he wanted to shop because he rarely shops. Other than the online games, apa lagik hubby aku selalu beli? Nothing.
So, I'm all for him buying his shoes and clothes and stuffs. Cuma kalau barang -barang yang macam takde faedah, memanglah aku rasa macam nak cekik-cekik batang leher dia. (Think Star Wars helmet!)

And both of us (errm..actually just me) are expectatedly sucked into the whole every-little-cute-items-for-Ryan-also-die-die-must-buy disease. But, I was proud of myself since I only purchased one very cute Gap cap last night. Actually, after Shahreil had to ply the rest of the items back out of my hands. Teehee..

I did buy my a little something for myself though, which had me and the hubby laughing away at the end of the night.

What a wonderful weekend!

17 Again

I went to the move 17 Again not expecting much.
So, imagine my suprise when the movie turn out to be so much much much better.
It was a feel-good movie, and I simply love feel-good movies.
I've never like Zac Efron that much, but after 17 Again, I'm a total convert.
Here goes.... ZAAAAAAACCCCCCC!!!!!
Other than the obvious fact that he is one unbelievably handsome guy with the sweetest, most defined, beautiful features... I was also rather impressed by his potrayal as the mature, 37 year old guy trapped in a 17 year old body.
And the story was not just another sad excuse to have the delicious Zac flaunting his muscles on the basketball court, it actually had a storyline! And a good one at that! About life, love, marriage, parent-kids relationships. Wow!

Go and catch the movie.

Pikiran

I have a big headache now.
Who will look after Ryan after we've moved?
Mak looking after Ryan has never been a long term arrangement. I've never agreed to that in the first place. I still believe that grandparents, given their age, should not be burdened with the hassle of babysitting their grandchildren. They should be enjoying their golden years, not face crying babies day in day out.

So, what other options do I have?
A) Maid:
Honestly speaking, I've never wanted a maid. Firstly, it's definitely not an easy thing to open up your home to a total stranger. And I've always wanted to do all the household chores myself. I want to be the queen of the kitchen. Or, in a less positive note, the slave of the house. But, faced with the reality that someone has got to look after Ryan, me and Shahreil have been talking about getting one. We are adamant though that we shall only get someone we both could trust, and who better fit the job if not for my dear Mbakyu. We've been scheming for months, wanting to poach her from my parents. Heheh... Al-maklum, her contract's ending this May. But sadly, her hubby wants her to go back permanently. Darn! I know that she will be able to look after Ryan well. And it's easier since I've known her for so many many years. But, darn! Next, I remembered Mbakyu Susi, who was Tok's maid. Disappointed again as Cik Mar said that she has just started work at Taiwan. Lambat setapak! New maids?!! Noooo... Seram!! Anak aku hilang, siapa nak jawab?

B) Infant Care Centres?
Haaaa... kesiannyer budak tonet tu, kecik2 dah nak kena gi sekolah..?? Haiyya.. And how much do I trust that the caregivers there can look after him well? I've lived near a childcare centre before and I've always been disgusted by some of the ways they handled the little tots. Tengking-tengking macam rimau. Terpekik terlolong macam perempuan gila. Eh, sudah!

C) Hantar rumah orang?
Someone that we can trust, of course. No strangers. I've read enough horror stories. But I have no relatives anywhere near Bukit Panjang. I have no relatives in the west, for goodness sake! Camne!!! CIk Niah!!!!!! Pindah Jelebu ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haaaaaaaaa.... I'm in such a dilemma!!
Camne??? Camne???!!

..................

As promised by the husband, we had a rare mid-week date.
Rare, because we don't do dates during the weekdays anymore, for obvious reasons.
Weekends are usually filled with some knd of activities, so it seldom feels like a proper date for us.
It was really good you know. Just like old times.
The late lunch was good. The aimless walking around Bugis was good. The movie was doubly doubly good. Thank you, you!

I just finished reading Diah's blog. I like to read her blog as most of the things that she writes about, I can relate to..especially about being a mother. Today's entry was about feeding her beautiful twins, who are about 1 or 2 months younger than my own handsome son. She talked about the satisfaction she got from preparing her babies' food herself an being there for EVERY feed. Satisfation that she didn't gt with her first daughter as she was working back then. About how miserable and guilty she felt at having to pass the responsibility to someone else, to rely on jars and jars of processed food. Hah! Sounds familiar? That's me, right now.

Like I said before, the irritating voice inside that's always questioning me on whether I've been doing things right. It didn't help that one day, a wise person had to comment that I haven't been doing such a great job being a mother since I do not prepare proper, real, cooked-by-myself food for Ryan. It was a harmless comment really. One that I know was not meant to hurt me or belittle me in any way. But it did hurt. It wrecked me inside for weeks to come. It's the same like the time when people 'cleverly' tsk-ed when I said that I barely breastfeed Ryan. They have no fucking idea what was going on and how badly affected I was. They had no idea how much I cried everytime it was Ryan's feeding time. They had no idea how hard I prayed that Ryan would drink his mother's milk. Shahreil kept saying that there must be a reason for everything that happens in life. It did calm me a little, but sometimes the feeling of being a failure would surface. Breastfeeding. Basic. And I failed. 'Proper', good solids. Failed once more. So much for being a good mother.

Sometimes I feel that everything's slipping out of control. Stuffs at work are piling but I always end up shelving everything away so as not to reach home too late so that I can take Ryan off Mak's hands. Stuffs at home are no better. I just looked at my laundry basket half an hour ago and started thinking, should I wake up earlier tomorrow to wash 1 load before I go to work since I have staff meeting tomorrow and Band on Friday and will be coming home late. How?

But, I will survive. I always do.

SUNSHINE

Sometimes I tend to be too absorbed in being miserable that I fail to see what is most important in my life.
I have such a beautiful family. I can never ask for a better husband. I can never dream of a better child. So, life's good afterall.

Looking forward to that date with you later in the afternoon. ;-P