Blessed Blessed Weekend

I couldn't help but feel so so blessed over the past weekend. I kept thinking how lucky I am to be blessed with so much love in my life, how generous Allah has been to me. I may complain now and then about life being not as smooth-sailing as i want, but hey.. I am surrounded with so much love.. What in the world am i complaining about? 

Saturday started bright and early with Ryan's Pri 1 Orientation at Lianhua Pri. I still am having a tough time realising that my baby is going through another milestone in life. I got pretty emotional when I saw how small he was in that big big school. I could see anxiety in his face,  but I know for sure my Ryan has got what it takes to excel in whatever he does. 

Then, we had another pride-filled afternoon at Ryan's Graduation Concert. I was initially very nervous about having my boy be the emcee for the concert.He is  afterall only 6 year old, mind you! I think most of us tend to forget how small he is because of his maturity and sensibility. But as of a few days before the show, after he had brought home his script to practice, I knew for sure he would ace the whole thing, and he did! My Ryan was confident, read fluently and  was just being the bright spark that he is.

I believe I made the right choice in placing him in Hanis Montessori. He blossomed in the 3 years he was there under the guidance of his awesome teachers!

Through out all that was happening that day, I was busy being sneaky and lying right through my nose.. Lying to my 'Mentalist' husband. Not easy you know! 

I and his awesome friends were busy trying to throw him a StarWars birthday party. The look on his face was priceless! Not a man with many words, my man.. But his face said it all. I hope he could feel how much we all love him for he is truly the simplest, kindest and funniest man who deserves all the love in the world.

And Sunday was another day full of love when we made our way to Tampines. Surrounded by all 5 siblings and their partners, mummy n daddy.. Is my much needed weekly dose of love. 

Ok, my pics a bit jumbled up cos im trying to figure out this blogger app. Hehe

Alhamdulillah for everything. 

Nov Nov

Ahhh.... Had a hard time trying to remember my password to this blog. It has been ages, hasn't it? Facebook/Instagram/Twitter really killed the blogsphere. Other than those who blog for a living, I don't know anyone else who still update their blogs.

Kind of miss blogging though and I like to read through old blog post and reminisce about the past. Let's see how long I will be able to keep this up. For all you know, the next post will be in about 5,10 years time. The good thing about blogging now is that, no one knows that I still blog, so I can pretty much talk about anything and everything under the sun without thinking too much about what others will think. Cool huh?

How's life for me? Well.. it's a pretty much extremely eventful year. I remember hating 2012 because it was a bad year, but 2013 was downright horrible at every single angle. Work/Home/Health. Everything! In June, I was soooooo stressed up that I kena psoriasis. Oooohhhh... it was a terrible disease I tell you. I was flaky all over and my self esteem was at the lowest point ever. Worse still, I was one of the unlucky few who developed arthritic psoriasis, that saw me being in a wheelchair/on crutches for weeks!

BUT! With all the shits that was going on, I must say that I feel totally blessed as the episode brought me closer to Allah. I have never felt so calm and blessed before. (Okay fine, there were definitely moments when I broke down and cried like a baby. Who wouldn't?!)

I feel so blessed to be surrounded by so many kind people who stood by me the entire time. My husband was such a dear. He took care care of me. Stayed up through the night to feed me my meds, carried me, accompanied me to my hundreds of medical appointments, hugged me, kissed me, told me I'm beautiful. I pray that Allah bless him for his kindness. Ryan prays for me everytime he prays and everytime he saw that I was upset about my condition. My good friends, Samsiah, Kailin, Fida, Mic, Shah, Hana.. who kept me entertained with the WA messages.

And my helplessness has made me place ALL my hopes and faith in Him and Him only. And I think that was His plans. For me to go through all these so that I have nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to except for Him. Beautiful huh? I read somewhere, Allah gave us tests because He misses us. Wow!

It was definitely a year to remember. And I thank Allah for every bit of what He has given me. Alhamdulillah

 

(I am reminded of this song, somehow)

 

ALHAMDULILLAH by Yasin feat Too Phat/Dian Sastro

 

Dian Sastro:
Disaat waktu berhenti... kosong
Dimensi membutakan mata, memekakkan telinga
Lalu diri menjadi hampa
Saat paradigma dunia tidak lagi digunakan untuk menerka*
Sadarku akan hadirmu, mematahkan sendi2 yang biasanya tegak berdiri

Yassin:
Ult li albi bissaraha (I'm opening up my heart with honesty)
Hayya nab'idil karaha (Let's avoid the hated and hatred)
Syakkireena a' kulli ni'ma (Let's remain thankful with what we have)
Ba' ideena anil fattana (Let's avoid all lies and sins)

Malique:
Merenungi luar jendela,
Mengagumi kebesaran yang Maha Esa
Ku menilai kehidupan dari sudut berbeza
Tak memadai hanya kecapi rasa selesa
Maukan harta yang mampu beli 1 semesta
Berpesta ke pagi botol bergelimpangan
Kekasih muda bukan takat berpegang tangan
Harta dan jamuan nafsu tidak berkekalan
Bila menjelang tua bukan itu jadi bekalan
Dan jangan puisi ini disalah tafsir pula
Bukan berkhutbah cuma betuli diri jua
Ingin hidup sempurna, aset nilai berjuta,
Saling tukar wanita, senyum dan mati tua.
Bakat dikurnia jangan disalah guna
Jangan kufur nikmat yang diberi percuma
Guna kelebihan untuk hikmah bersama
Jagalah nama hidup penuh pementasan dan drama
Ada berisi ada yang kurus,
Ada melencong ada yang lurus bukan semuanya tulus
Ada sempurna ada kurang upaya
Ada yang jadi buta hanya bila sudah kaya
Sebesar rumah bermula dengan sekecil bata,
Boleh hilang dalam sekelip mata
Ucaplah Alhamdulillah bukannya sukar,
Kerna semua yang kaya atau besar
Tetap Allahuakbar!

Joe Flizzow:
Jadikanlah ku tentera Fisabilillah
Yang tertera di kalimah harap memanduilah
Entah apabila persimpangan tiba,
Hidup penuh dengan rintangan harus kuhadapinya
Harapku tidak lupa diri bila gembira,
Dan cuma mula mencari kau disaat hiba
Ku cuma manusia penuh dengan kesilapan
Tapi bisa membezakan cahaya dan kegelapan
Tabah bila dihalangan duri onak dan cobaan
Teguh bila dicobakan pengaruh kuasa dan perempuan
Oh, Sentiasa legar diminda,
Dikejar dan dipinta dari zaman bermula hingga ke akhirnya
Ku mengerti siapa ku tanpamu disisi
Dan apa guna posesi juga posisi
Sementara ini cuma hanya puisi,
Nukilan tulisan dan bisikan isi hati
Mencari keterangan, menjiwai peranan
Menepati pesanan janji juga saranan
Alhamdulillah atas kurniaan rezeki,
Moga tidak leka dalam perjalanan ini

Yassin:
Ult li albi bissaraha (I'm opening up my heart with honesty)
Hayya nab'idil karaha (Let's avoid the hated and hatred)
Syakkireena a' kulli ni'ma (Let's remain thankful with what we have)
Ba' ideena anil fattana (Let's avoid all lies and sins)

Laihi ya ruhi yara ya laihi
Laihi ya yaruhi ya yara yalaihi...

Ahli Fiqir:
Aku yang memandang di dalam lubuk hati,
Mencari-cari zat rahsia yang katanya tersembunyi
Aku yang melihat, alam meliputi
Wujud menyertai lalu ku pindahkan alam ke dalam mata hati
Aku hakiki, aku mengerti segala yang terjadi, di langit dan di bumi
Gunanya tiada fantasi, pelik dan benar, qada' dan qadar kau berilah ku kekuatan
Agar dapat ku hindarkan segala kesesatan
Usah kau biarkan nafsuku terliur
Dari pandangan majazi ini,
Aku yang bodoh lagi hina amat benar merindui
Moga cahaya lailatul tak membutakan mataku,
Semoga segala puji tak ku meninggi diri
Moga segala janji dapat juga ku penuhi,
Moga dapatku menghadang tikaman dari belakang
Lidah setajam pisau, ku tidak akan risau dengan dugaan,
Cabaran sepanjang perjalanan
Ku pasrah ku akur 7, 8, 6 Alhamdulillah Syukur...

Yassin:
Ult li albi bissaraha (I'm opening up my heart with honesty)
Hayya nab'idil karaha (Let's avoid the hated and hatred)
Syakkireena a' kulli ni'ma (Let's remain thankful with what we have)
Ba' ideena anil fattana (Let's avoid all lies and sins)

Dian Sastro:
Sujudku pun takkan memuaskan inginku
'Tuk hanturkan* sembah sedalam kalbu
Adapun kusembahkan syukur padamu ya Allah
Untuk nama, harta dan keluarga yang mencinta
Dan perjalanan yang sejauh ini tertempa
Alhamdulillah pilihan dan kesempatan
Yang membuat hamba mengerti lebih baik makna diri
Semua lebih berarti akan mudah dihayati
Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah...

 

 

 

 

Hola!

I'm back! Nearly 8 months of inactivy (this blog, not me!).
Watch out this space!

Motherhood

Thank you, Samsiah for introducing this wonderful website to me: www.suhaibwebb.com
That's one of the things I love about having Sam not only as a colleague, but a friend. She's not only my makan kaki, she also inspires me to be better al the time. And for that, I am grateful.

While browsing through the website, I came upon this article, "Mother, Not Matyr", and boy, don't I just agree with everything that's written in it!
Basically, there's 6 ways that mothers can find the balance and get through the tough days of parenthood while at the same time enjoying the whole journey. (and some days, I can tell you, it is EXTREMELY tough to find the enjoyment!)

No 1: I will remind myself daily that my time with my children is precious

I do this all the time when I feel like screaming out loud, "I HATE BEING A MOTHER, GET ME OUT OF HERE!" I try to remind myself that every minute is precious because once I'm back at work, I will miss them soooooo much. And of course, this doesnt last forever.. the hugs, the wanting to be with me, the clinging on to my leg as I try to move from one room to another, the barging into the room as I try to have a moment to myself, the knocking on the door as I try to have some quiet moment hiding in the toilet (yes! I do that!).. There will come a day when all these will stop, when I'm no longer the person that they love the most! And how I dread it!

No. 2: . “I will take care of myself.”

I believe this is just one of the 'occupational hazards' of being a mother. We tend to just give and give and give that we totally forgot about ourselves. Just a few weeks back Shahreil commented, "Kenapa rambut you keras?" I didnt know whether to scream at him or to cry. Of course it's keras! When was the last time I went to the salon?! When was the last time I had time to actually dry my hair properly?! When was the last time I wore a hair mask?! When ?! When?! When?!

I've been pushing back the idea of going to the salon soooo many days because I feel guilty about leaving my kids while I'm out pampering myself. But HEY! A happy mother is afterall a better mother! Having a few hours to myself doing whatever I want doesnt make me a bad mom, does it? So I will try to push that guilt aside and have that salon date (with myself) sometime this week. No more pushing it back!

3. I'm not a perfect mother.

Don't you just hate it when you see a mother who seems to have it all under control? Cos I don't. Most of the time, I feel like Im losing control. But lucky for me, I'm surrounded by mother friends who are in the same state as me. :-)

"We can only do the best that we can with what we have and we should focus on the things that matter – our relationships with them. Dinners won’t always be amazing, the dishes won’t always be clean, and laundry will pile up, but when our kids become adults they won’t remember any of that; rather they will remember the time they spent and the conversations they had with us."

This paragraph really hit me in the face! Sometimes (ok ok... almost all the time!) I am too preoccupied in trying to have everything in the house in perfect order that I neglect my kids. So today, I'm declaring a no-housework day, and will devote all my time to being with them! YEAHHH!!!

NO 4: I will make my marriage a priority.

That's the reason why I NEED the dates with Shahreil. I salute those parents who do not go anywhere without their children. I can't. I have to have those weekly dates or I will just go crazy.

"It is vital we spend time alone with our husband so that we can see each other through the lens of a spouse and not only as a caregiver to our children. "

Other than seeing Shahreil as the father of my boys, I need to see him as my lover, my friend, my buddy, my clown, my companion.. everything that he was before parenthood came along.


No 5: I will value my friendships

Ok, I'm guilty of this. I should go out more often with my friends. Period.

No 6: I will prioritize family dinners

And for this, I will slowly get to it. :-)


Here's to TRYING to be a happier mother!

Reza Ilhan

It's been a month since I gave birth to Reza Ilhan, but I've yet to blog about his arrival into this world. Is that enough proof of how hectic my schedule has been so far?

Yes! I chose to try and take care of both kids myself at home. Spent a week at my mum's and a few days at mak's. Well, like they say, there's no place like home. Never mind that I'm doing 10 things at the same time, never mind that I get tired and cranky at times, never mind that Ryan always choose to want to pee when I'm feeding Reza, never mind that when one sleeps the other choose to wake up. Never mind. Never mind. Never mind.

Oh. The birth story. So.. Reza, like his brother, was born on his EDD. But Reza, unlike his brother, had to be induced. Hmmm.. I never got round to asking Dr Wong why he wanted to induce Reza instead of just waiting for him to pop out. Oh wells..

Let me tell you, the few days before I was induced was very terrifying. I guess with Ryan, I went into labour very ignorant. Didnt know what I was in for. But with Reza, I kept playing the scene over and over and over in my head. I was expecting the pain, the vomit, the being 'violated; by so many nurses. Yup, I was one terrified mummy-to-be.

We happily made our way to Thomson at 11.30pm, after we had send Ryan to mak's house and after we had supper at Adam Road. Oh.. Shahreil had supper, I was too nervous to eat.

I was admitted to the ward and all was fine, though I couldn't sleep AT ALL. Nervous, I guess. The cramps started at about 4am, but it was still bearable. At 8 am, I waled into the observation room and the cramps started to be more intense. And the rest were exactly what I pictured it to be.. the blood, the pain, the vomit.. Urgh.

By the time Dr Wong came to burst my waterbag, I was 4cm dilated and the pain was so so so unbearable. I feel blessed that Shahreil was there with me all the time for me to squeeze his hand whenever the contractions kicked in. It was definitely more intense than when I was with Ryan and I thought.. NO... I can't possibly tahan the immense pain for what I thought would be another 5-6 more hours, so I requested for epidural.

But you know what! Once I was given the epidural, I felt like berak-ing, although I know that actually I was ready to give birth. Told the nurse and immediately checked my dilation and suprise..suprise... I was actually FULLY dilated already! All ready to give birth!!! SO fast one!!

I was wheeled to the delivery room and still had to wait for Dr Wong who was in another delivery room with another patient. I really felt like 'berak-ing' and still must wait.

3 pushes and out he came! Hehehhe.. Unlike Ryan whom I pushed for nearly 1 and half hour! Heheh..

Reza Ilhan, welcome to the family!

24 June, no?

After all the panic attacks I had today during the CTG at Thomson, I realise that I had to stop procrastinating and pack that damn bag! So, I did! Now that the bag is all ready, portable hp charger charged (need to fb while waiting to deliver maaahh) and my outfit n tudung to go to the hospital ironed... I am feeling rather calm and ready.

I know I've been saying that I do not want to share my birthdate with Little R the Second, but actually, it is gonna be a wonderful present for myself, ya? Last year, I received the bestest gift on my birthday when Allah opened my heart to finally don the hijab. (and how can I forget my dear hubby who gave me 2 tudungs and a brooch set to show me his support for my decision). Maybe this year, my present will be having that little one in my arms. But, no pressure, sayang. You come out whenever YOU are ready for the world!

Ibu, Abah and Abang Ryan simply can't wait to welcome you into the family!
Pssst: Come out fast fast ahh... Dont torture ibu too much!

Bidadari

I had a very interesting conversation with Samsiah over our usual lunch date yesterday.
And since then, I strive to be his bidadari...
Insyallah..

Way to go, girl!

I was chatting with a colleague, while supervising the kids hip hopping/street jazzing in the hall.She said that it's very hard for her to juggle work and family.

Mind you, she works on a part-time scheme, which means only 3 times a week. And that also means, no form class/admin matters/parents to handle, no CCA, no Committee and no meetings.She stays with her mom on weekdays so that her mom can help look after her kids.And she also has a maid, which means housework matters are off her hands.And she still says it's hard.

*Gasp* What have I been doing for the past few years? Slogging it off and still feels guilty about not being good enough.

Nurhayati, you are no superwoman! Remember that!

About birds and bees

Lately, the issue of Singaporeans not having enough babies have been in the news. And as a married woman and a mother, such news never fail to catch my attention. Let me just tell you, what may encourage ME, to have more kids.



Before I got married and have a kid, I always dream of having 4 kids. The more the merrier, was my philosophy. Especially since I grew up in a big family. The idea of having only 1 or 2 kids just seems so.... lonely. But of course, reality hits me in the face and I have to admit that THAT dream seems so silly and not to mention, scary, right now.



Oh yah, back to what will encourage ME (I really don't care about others) to reproduce and reproduce and reproduce:



1) Lower the price of housing:



Every young couple I know complain about the rocket high prices of housing in our cute, little country. How do you expect us to expand and have more kids when sometimes, the basic necessity of having a place to call home is not even possible? Shahreil and I had to go rounds after rounds of balloting for a new flat (since it is cheaper and more practical for us who has yet to have much ka-ching in the bank). How many times did we waste our $10 just to find out that we are the number 5234, queing for 230 units? Chet! In the end, we settled for a resale flat, which of course, wiped out our entire savings!





2) Lower the price of owning a car:



I know, I know.. we are encouraged to take public transport. But seriously, if you have kids in tow (especially small ones) you wouldnt want to spend your time running after packed buses or trains. Especially since my parents live at the other end of the island and and it is going to be a hassle if we have to keep taking public transport to get there. And not to mention the daily task of having to send and fetch our son to/fro my MIL's house daily. Take public transport? You want me to die of exhaustion, ah? SO, having a car is no longer a luxury, but a necessity. And having to spend so much monthly on the loan, the petrol, the parking charges... It's just a huge burden!



3) Make child care more affordable:



Let us be realistic here. Gone are the days where grandparents are the main caregiver for our children. They have a life of their own. And imagine if they have 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 grandchildren. How? Turn their house into childcare issit? So, young parents have no other options but to turn to these 2 alternatives: Maid or Childcare.



A) Maid:

I dont even want start on how SCARY it is for parents to have a total stranger look after their kids. Horror stories aside, I do not want my kids to spend half their day with a maid who doesnt do much in a child's development. I grew up with maids all my life and what did I get out of it? I became a dangdut fan. :-)

But most of us do not have much choice, do we? We end up turning to these maids to take our place at home, and the cost of having a maid... WAHLAO! Paying the poor things their deserved salary is fine by me... but the monthly levy? That's another issue altogether!


B) Childcare centres:

There's always the childcare centres, right? BUT... it's not that cheap too, despite the subsidy. And if you have more that 1 kid, nearly 1/3 of your pay goes to childcare!


So yeah... who looks after the child is one MAJOR headache! Of course, the ideal scenario is the MOTHER looks after the child. But with such high cost of living here, only the lucky ones get to do that. Mere mortals like the rest of us, HAVE to work.


Try living the life of the working -couple- with- no- maid. It's not easy. It's a struggle everyday. You go to work. Feels guilty not spending enough time with your child. Feels guilty not doing as much as you feel you should at work. Go home. Tired. Still must wash, clean, cook, look after child's needs. Feels guilty that you are trying to finish housework and NOT spend quality time bonding and developing your child. Feels guilty that you are not bringing work home. Feels guilty that you are not spending enough quality time with your spouse. Guilty that you are not looking after your spouse's need. Guilty that you are forever cranky and angry at your spouse. Tired. Go to sleep. Dream about work. Wake up feeling tired. And the cycle continues.

It's a guilt trip every freaking day!

Tell me then, why should I want more kids? If just with one, I feel guilty that he's not being taken care of as best as he should be... why should I multiply it by 2, 3, 4? Of course, I can give birth every single year... but any young couples with enough brains and sensibility wants a family life that has QUALITY! We want to ensure that our offsprings have the best that life has to offer and that means, the occasional family trips, the enrichment classes, the occasional treats to real good (expensive) food. And of course, parents who have the time to be WITH them and not slogging it out at work.

So yeah, tell me again.... Should I have lots of kids here? I don't think so.

(Not that I'm not grateful to all the baby bonuses and whatever incentives the top people are giving us, but seriously... it's not enough lah..)

Alright... the working woman has to get back to work.

And the story goes..

And so, I've lost a sister.

Updates on the Tummy

It's about time I give a little update on my pregnancy. I do not want my son/daughter to come up to me in like 15 years time and say, "Why didn't write about me as much as you did with abang Ryan? You so unfair one!!!"

I'm already about ermmm.. 9 or 10 weeks pregnant. The tummy's starting to show and this is the period when people who still doesnt know about the pregnancy will comment,"Eh... kau dah gemuk eh.." And I can retort,"Im not fat, Im pregnant. Hah!" Anyways, even if Im fat, it's none of your bloody business! I simply hate people who comment on people's weight. Takde topik lain ke? Is that supposed to be a catalyst for conversation? Not a clever choice, I tell you.

Ok, back to the real topic...

The morning sickness is still not here and Im beginning to think that I am one of those lucky women who doesnt experience morning sickness at all. Yahhhoooooo!! But i do sometimes go Uwekkk... Uwekkk.. when I feel disgusted by something. I can't stand dirty stuffs or the thought of dirty stuffs.. I will feel like vomitting. Sometimes I when i enter my kitchen and there's dirty dishes in the sink, I will feel like vomitting. When I enter the toilet and it's not as clean as it's supposed to be, I'll feel like vomitting. And I don't like the smell of food too. If it smells a bit weird, I'll feel like vomitting. SO ngengada eh!

And I don't feel like eating real meals. I want to snack snack snack. That's why I asked Shahreil to stock up on fruits, so I can snack on them instead of all the unhealthy stuffs.

So, that's about it. People assume that I'd want a girl this time round. Truth be told, I don't mind AT ALL if it's a boy again. Weird, considering all my life I wanted a girl and when I was first told I'd have a boy (Ryan), I thought... "Ehhh... boringnya anak lelaki!" Was I wrong! Heheheh... He's my best buddy!! Though I wish he'd tone down on his kasarness sometimes.

Well, baby in the tummy.. see u in a few weeks time. Ibu loves you already, you know!

New bed, no?

We are thinking of buying Ryan his own bed to encourage him to sleep on his own.
We are sure that initially he'd protest because he loves sleeping in between us, but sometimes I feel I'm kidding myself whenever I says that 'd want him out of my bed. Cos the fact is, I LOVE having him sleep beside me. Especially during nights that Shahreil sleeps late (like, ALL the time), it is very soothing to have that little tot snuggling right beside me. And usually, he'd hug me in the middle of the night or even sneak lovely kisses all over my face trying to see if he'd be able to wake me up.

Of course, sometimes I'd groan or get irritated whenever he kicks me or invade my space so much that 'd have to sleep at the very edge of the bed, but HEY.... this will all be over too soon. Soon.. he will not want to sleep anywhere near his parents when those dreadful teenage hormones kick in, so why are we such in a hurry to make him grow up? Let's just enjoy all those snuggling and hugging and kissing while we still can.

I love you lah, Ryan Iskandar.
Don't grow up too fast, can?

Sick

So, it's a Monday morning and I am in school (where else, right?)
But it's absolutely boring because it's absolutely quiet here. Kailin's off for some course, Samsiah will only be here at 11 since she has a meeting and I guess most of the other teachers would rather come to school a little later so that they can sleep in. So here I am left with no kakis. Chet!

I'm not feeling to well right now. Not morning sickness. Weird, it's still not here yet. Hopefully it will stay like that all the way! I'm feeling a little bit feverish. In fact, my body system seems to be a bit down since errmmm.. Friday? No energy lah. Or maybe I had a bit too much fun over the weekend that Im just so exhausted. I am just sooooooooooo exhausted. Remind me not to sleep at 4am anymore because I am NOT Shahreil and I can't function properly the day after sleeping so late. I will go around with a heavy head and it sucks biggie timey! Urgh! I am the sleep early, wake up early type.

And to add to that, I think I havent been able to get a good sleep these few days. No matter how sleepy I am. It seems like I have a lot of things going on in my mind that I even do the thinking when Im sleeping. Horrible! What do I think about? The neverending housework, the crazy Im full but Im hungry feeling, the what-havent-I-done-but-I-MUST-do-at-work-tomorrow?, the love 'problems' of others (that i shouldnt give a damn about because I should just wait to say I FREAKING TOLD YOU SO!) ARGH!! I get so agitated everytime I think about this, I feel as though my head's gonna explode! I am so afraid what the future will be and whether ties will be severed (it is already rocky, though we pretend everything's fine and dandy). Argh! Whatever will be will be. I, once upon a time, never thought it would come to this. I thought we were as tight as those damn jars of strawberry jam that I seemed forever destined to have trouble opening up! Im wrong, Im wrong. Someone comes along and pooofff! All is gone. Sad. Sad. Sad.
See, my head's starting to throb again. I can never think or talk about it without my blood going up 10 notches higher.

Alright. Better stop. All this anger can is obviously not good for a pregnant lady.
Gonna jalan-jalan cari makan. Hopefully there's something nice at the stall opposite.

Cerita Ceriti

Aku baru jer perasaan yang drama yang berlaku di kalangan artis-artis Malaysia ni kadang-kadang lebih best daripada drama-drama dorang yang keluar kat tv. Antara 'drama' yang mengisi kehidupan aku yang agak lepak semenjak budak-budak dah holiday ni adalah:

(dengan mengikut urutan)
A) ACK (MLM lah tu) dengan Aidid
B) Uncle Seekers (artis ke pakcik ni?) dengan cinta syhhh nya.
C) Nabil & kekasih gelapnya yang mungkin menjadikan Ariel & Luna Maya idola mereka

Aku dah tak sabar ni nak tahu apa kesudahan jalan cerita masing-masing. Semua macam menegakkan benang yang basah. (Haaa... korang tau tak apa makna peribahasa tu?) Bila aku ada mood, aku kasilah opinion aku tentang mende2 kat atas tu. But for now, we just look and see. Tapi, betullah... macam-macam perangai manusia ni ye...

1+1

I guess most of you must have heard/read on FB/seen my ass getting bigger... Yup, I am pregnant! He/She is still just 8.8 mm... And will come out, somewhere at the end of June. Great planning, huh? I get to spend my last (and heaviest and most probably, hardest month) at home... and then, it's a solid 4 months maternity...and then it's the school hols again. Teachers MUST time their pregnancies nicely, or else... we'll be back in school in the middle of a semester and it sucks big time coming into class and trying to implement your rules when the kids are already comfortable with whatever rules (or lack of!) that's already in the class.

And yeah, we both thought that the timing's perfect since Ryan is at the right age to have a new friend at home. He has been having our undivided love and attention for the past 2 years plus and now it's time for him to learn to share. And I believe strongly that my boy will be a great elder brother! Just last night he tried very hard to squeeze tiny balls of Playdoh into my bellybutton because he said that 'adik' is playing with playdoh. See! He loves the adik in my tummy already!

My dear gynae mentioned that we will just go through the whole process all over again. But somehow this time round, the feeling's rather different. I guess when I was pregnant the first time round, I only saw sunshine and daisies and balloons.. You know, the beautiful picture. Now, I know that with all the beautiful things, there will be the horrible weight gain, the swollen, elephant feet (that had me crying like a baby the last time!), the nausea which I am still waiting for, the backaches, the sleepless nights, the endless trips to the bathroom, the pain and vomitting in the delivery room. Fuh! Scary!

Not to mean that Im not glad to be pregnant, I am, of cos! It's just that I am more aware what I am in for.

Hopefully, this time round.. I will have less anxiety of expecting the unknown. I now know what to do when Im forever feeling hungry but I can't eat too much cos I will vomit (like now). I now know what Braxton Hicks feels like. I now know what to pack in my bag, I now know what to do before going to the hospital. I now know not to get too agitated by well-meaning relatives who sometimes interfere too much on how to bring up my kid, I know now not to get too depressed if my baby doesnt want to drink my milk, I know now that I can't possibly do everything myself and should ask for help. Yup! With knowledge and experience, it should be better. The challenge I believe is taking care of myself while taking care of a toddler and the house and work. But, Insyallah, I will manage, with the support and love of my darling husband.

9 months.
Pray for my baby's health and safety, you all!

Not in a Million Years

I love weddings, especially beautiful ones and more so of people you know and care about. Not those that your mom drag you to, or relatives who are sooo distant, that you can barely remember how he or she looks like.

So, congrats to the beautiful couple.

May your marriage be filled with love, health & happiness!

Bengap

I just realised, to my horror, that I am a sucker for reality tv. The more thrashy it is, the more I am glued to the tv. Unless Ryan insists on watching cartoons, it's E Entertainment or Style Network all the way for me.

Just two nights back, I watched the Kardashians and I was deeply fascinated by all the drama that goes on in that family. That episode centred mostly on Kourtney & Scott's neverending problem. Here's a picture of them, if all you ever watch are CNA or Discovery Channel.


Lovely couple don't you think? Bahhh... I was totally disgusted by the whole drama. She, the stupid/stubborn/foolish/ baby mama who is totally blinded by 'love', and he, the drunk/irresponsible/im-s0-sorry-but-i-will-definitely- do-it-again boyfriend. I really do not understand girls (or guys, lah eh.. cos I know not all girls are gems either) that allow themselves to be stuck in a destructive relationship like this. Is love THAT blind? Or are they just plain stupid? What made me so angry watching the episode was to witness how Kourtney seemed to run back to her family whenever there were problems with Scott and how her family were all there for her, but the moment Scott came back with those puppy eyes, and pathetic pleading, she'll run back to him. And when her family tried to talk sense into her, she'll retort, " It's MY life. I will do what I think is good for me" or " Don't interfere" or "You are not me, so don't tell me what to do." If only she can see for herself, how pathetic she looked, crying like a baby...

But, it's reality tv anyway.. and Im sure it's not 100% true. What? You think Im an idiot? Scott might be an angel in real life for all we know! BUT, that doesnt me such things don't happen in real life...

Take this couple for instance. Rita & Aidil, actress & footballer who got married secretly in Thailand. Last few weeks, news of their marriage on the rocks made headlines and most people's reactions.."Ermm.... kahwin lagi tak mintak restu mak bapak."



This one... Shidee, who married his ex-gf's daughter without blessings (duh!) from her family.

And apparently, there's a trend in Malaysia where teenage girls run away with their boyfriends from Lombok, Indonesia.

Look at how crushed this girl's parents are. Ada anak dorang kisah? Don't think so.

And this one, after coming back to her family a few years after marrying and staying in Lombok. Tau nangis.. Podah!

And another one, also, after coming back after eloping with her bf (whom she married) in Lombok. Now pregnant, who does she come back running to?Her family, of course. Look at her dad! Ada anak dia kisah? Pooooodah!

SO, what do we get from all these? Love towards someone (who might be a jerk/liar/sweet-talker/whom you know only for a month/who said the sweetest things to you because he knows you will fall for it/who has and most probably hurt you) is more important than love towards FAMILY who has been there for you, who loves you, who cares about you? Fools. Fools. Fools.

The girls may try to defend themselves by saying," Heyyy!! If you give us your blessings from the start, this would not happen. SO, it's really YOUR fault!"

Let me ask you then, wich parents/family members in their right mind would not approve of your partner if they believe that that person you are so in love with is good for you? Which parent/family members do not want to see you being happy? Which parents/family members do not want you to have the best in life? And if for a moment, you even think that these people are out to get you, out to ruin your life, out to destroy your happiness.. well, it's unfortunate for that family to have someone they love think so lowly of them.

Im done. Being angry about things that I should just ignore doesnt do any good for myself. Let the fools continue being fooled. Im going back to work.

Thank YOU

Among all the gifts I received today, one stood out from the rest.
It is a much-needed affirmation that I AM doing the right thing by staying in this profession despite all the heartaches I have to go through.
And for those of you who knows, this year has been a rather challenging period for me, with those 4 princesses that make me want to give up almost every single day.
So, this sms made me realise, HEY! I am doing what I set out to do when I signed on those dotted lines almost 7 years ago.

Cikgu Hayati,
Today is the first of September, the original date for you and those other teachers.
But, u are different. Thinking back, if I didn't listen and look up to you when I was 14, I don't think I'll ever be what I am today, a junior chef, because I was too carried away with my "frens" those times. U took the time and effort to lecture me whenever u could, u stayed back after sch just so we could talk, we wrote journals and letters too.

I don't think normal teachers would do that (Im not saying that u r abnormal thou!
;-P. u r just different, I had so much respect for u, that's why i listened.Not
every1 can make a difference in sum1's life, but u did. U guided me thru a lot. Seeing you leave Punggol was very sad because u r the 1 who made me use my little, tiny brain for once to ask myself what I want in life. And by 14 I knew what I wanted. I'm 18 now and doing the happiest thing in life, cooking! And u must know that u r a part of it. I've never found any teacher as gd as u, no matter how much I look up to them. U can only have 1 best (sumthing) in life and u definitely fall in the teacher category.

Happy Teacher's Day! Its been 6 years since I knw u, am Im glad I did.

Love,
Nurin Ameer Halim.


Thanks, Nurin. You do not know how much that sms meant to me.
Words like this keeps my faith in what Im doing cos most of the times I wonder if it's worth my white hairs/wrinkles/tears/saliva/heart pains? Seeing you blossoming throughout the years has been nothing but a great joy. I am humbled to know that I am a small part of your journey in this life.
Thank YOU.

Awwwwww

I am so drained.
I didn't (and still don't) feel like doing anymore work, so I ended up reading my old blog entry just for the fun of it... and I came across an entry that made me smile..

Here's an excerpt from the said entry dated 12 May 2005:

heard the 6am chime...rushed out of the house...afraid that i'll miss the bus, which for some reason, has been arriving at 6.04 instead of 6.09.

so..i was rushing down the stairs..struggling to take out my ezlink and folding my umbrella at the same time..
once i reached the void deck..i saw this guy at the carpark.. took me a while to register who he was..
Heheheh... and my heart actually skipped a beat when it finally dawned on me that it was HIM. heheheh..
It was HIM at my void deck at 6am!

U noe, my horoscope yesterday said that I'd meet someone out of the blue or sumthing..someone i havent met for a long time..and i wouldnt know how to react.
And that was what exactly happened today with him.

I got a real good hug..
I can still feel the hug.
Its nice and warm.

He wanted to send me to school..but guess what happened?
his bike died on us..Hahahah..
That was funny somehow (not to him of course)
and so he sent me by bus.
my dream of him sending me off to school (by bus, that is) came true today. WOW!
Always imagined how love it'd be if he could be with me during my bus rides..
And it was lovely!
And finally, my dream of being with him on that bridge came true.
My bridge.
U know, its such a lovely sight on the bridge, but nobody ever stopped to actually enjoy the view..
Silly.
But today, i got to share it with him.
Nice..
Change that..FANTASTIC.
I feel so contented being with him there.. walking hand in hand.. enjoying the lovely morning sight.

He had a gift for me. Prata. Cooked by him. With love, of course.
And on the cover, he wrote,
"To Yati, 6 years today I lay my eyes on you. I fell in love.. From Shahreil"
Isnt that the sweetest thing u've ever heard before?!
Well, i dont care about you! It IS the sweetest thing I've ever heard.

I was grinning from ear to ear, eating that prata.
It was nice and crunchy.
Love it.

He fell in love when he laid his eyes on me 6 years ago.
heheheh. Do u know that?
I bet not.
Anyway..it wasnt love at first sight for me..simply because..when i first saw him..i culdnt SEE him..
i wasnt wearin any contact lenses that day..hahahhaha
It was all very blur..
Until he came closer and i like what i saw..
Love you darling.

It was 6 years ago.
It was a special day.

Happy 6th Year First Date Anniversary.

Well... I feel better now.

Random

Okay, this is a totally random post.
But this has been at the back of my mind for some time.

Have you ever felt as though you are living in the wrong era?
Cos I do, sometimes.

I wish Im living in that era where we still live in kampung houses. You know, like the one in Kekasih Kuseru.

Im too lazy to search for better pics, but this is quite near to what I had in mind.


Best kan? Oh ok... most of you will go, " Apa saja..." But I've always wanted to stay in that kind of house. If I remember correctly, Tok Aji Buru's house used to be like that, before it got demolished to build a rumah batu. Yeah, everyone in Buru is competing to build rumah batu... which I don't understand why, cos the rumah batus in Buru always seem so small and cramped and stuffy as compared to the rumah papans.

Maybe, I'll get a house like that when I retire! Yeahhhh!!! (Shahreil will go ," Dream on!" ;-P)


And just look how comel those girls were... In their baju kurung/kebayas and tocang dua.. Hehehhe... KIUTTTT sangat! Ala ala wanita Melayu terakhir gitu...

Ok.. like I said, this is a random post.

Im going back to my work.