Masa Itu Emas

Both the hubby and the baby are fast asleep right now.
*Phew*
Some quiet time for me. A luxury, really.
Of all the things I missed most from my single mingle days (other than my siblings and my parents and Tampines) is my own little space.
Sometimes I just go on and on and on with things that I forgot to stop and breathe. Just like on Saturday when my fitness instructor reminded me.."Don't forget to breathe.."
I guess now is the perfect time for me to crawl back into my own little world, before one of them wakes up and screams for my attention. (Oh yes! The hubby too!)

Any updates on my part?
Nothing really... everything's been the same. Same old same old, Shahreil would say.
Last week was pretty fun.. while accompanying my kiddos at Kallang, I managed to get myself a manicure and pedicure. Not that Im into the whole pedi and mani thingy. I've never even like having my nail polished. Inai yes. Nail polish, no. Plus the fact, my parents never approve of nail polish. We, the sisters, could do so many things, but polishing our nails or even keeping our nails long is a BIG NO! And ayah never says no that often, so when he does say no, we understood that he means business.

Weekend was spent at the best place in Singapore. Mana? Tampines lah. Those who disagree are just plain jealous of us, Tampinesians. Heheh... We fetched Ibu, Ikin and Aini who came back from Bandung. Ikin disappointed both me and Shahreil for not bringing back 2 big parcels tied with curly wurly ribbons. One with Ariel and one with Arina Mocca inside. Oh. You should be able to guess which is for who. Hey! I am fair alright! He can have his Arina if I get my Ariel. Ikin only brought back bad news that it's pretty confirmed that Ariel is with Luna Maya. What shocking news!(eyes rolling) Fine. She's gorgeous and waaaaayyyyyy better than Fasha Sandha (if rumours were true, which I strongly doubt so). If it was Sendat, I would have flown all the way to Bandung and knock Ariel on his dumb head! So, its pretty confirmed I will never ever get Ariel. (oppss..its been confirmed since like on 16.11.2007) Maybe I can name my next son Ariel or Nazril Irham?? It's definitely better than Kuswadichandra Kelana Putra right, yang?

Do you know that of late I HATE reading the newspapers? It's bad news every single day. Never mind the economic crisis. I hate reading the senseless murders, the abuse, the accidents and so on and on. And me being me, will be affected for days after reading the news. Argh.

Oh ok. I gtg now. The boy is starting to squirm. Better tepuk him before he really wakes.

Life Goals

I went to West Coast Plaza, (which was formerly known as Ginza Plaza) with Shahreil for lunch today. Shahreil insisted that we've been there before, donkey years ago, but for the life of me, I just can't seem to recall stepping into that place at all. And I'm not the one with the short term memory in this relationship!

I ended up buying 3 books for Ryan, and I had to use all my willpower not to purchase any of those cute little outfits for him. Takut beli mahal-mahal, dia tak muat pulak! I promise myself that I'd bring him there one of these days.

Of late, I've been doing a lot of thinking. Sort of re-evaluating my life. Where I am right now, where I want to be in the future, things like that. It is kind of hard because I really am quite confused as to what I want out of this pretty short life.

My career. I think, for so long I've been contented being where I've always been. My friends and I used to joke that we'd be pretty satisfied with being H.O.Ts (only for us, teachers, to know) at the workplace. And to be honest, my ambition since young was to be a housewife. Haahhaha... Banyak sangat main makcik-makcik kot! Me and Faheema used to sit at the NUS canteen wondering why we were there when all we want to do was to be the perfect wives/mothers. We were not one of those career-driven people I guess. But recently, I feel that I can achieve more what I have now if I put my heart on it. Maybe since having Ryan, I am more driven to be the best that I can be so that I can give him the best of everything. I dunno.

The horrible part is that, sometimes I feel that if I want to excel at work, I'd have to sacrifice my family time. I know some people at work who have such outstanding portfolios but just look at how miserable they are. A slave to their work. I dont want to be like that. I dunno!! Argh! Can I have the best of both worlds? We'll see.

Enough about that! HEYY!! I've got a pretty good idea on what to do for Ryan's birthday. I've sort of mentioned in to both Shahreil and Ikin (i think!) about it, and they kind of approve it. Hmmm... but a few things to considerlah..whether it is do-able etc etc... So, TUNNNNGGGGuuuuuu!!

Meanwhile, it's Friday tomorrow and Yati simply looooovvvvees Friday. Woohooo!!!

Dilemma of a Working Mother

Ryan at birth

I believe all working mothers are in a constant dilemma, torn between their jobs and staying at home to look after their children. I struggle with it myself every single day. Not a day pass by without me wondering if I am doing the right thing. If my decision to continue working will in any way affect his future..errmm..not that I have a choice to NOT work either.

There's this niggling little voice inside of you that says that you are being a bad mom by not being with him 24/7, not being the one to bathe him, feed him put him to bed day in day out. And I know that in future I will miss his first days at school because I will have to receive other others' kids for THEIR first days at school. I will most likely not be the one to see him to his nursery class door, or wait for him at the void deck when he step out of that small kindergarden van, or bring him to the library on weekdays, send him to various enrichment classes and so on and on and on.. Whenever I see mothers waiting at the void deck for their kids, I get real jealous. How lucky are these women, to see their kids grow up right under their nose? It sucks.

I keep telling myself, by working , my son will have a nice place to call home, can have good food to grow up healthy, all the right books and toys to grow up smart and have the occasional trips to see the world. I've seen how terrible it is for some of my kids at the workplace who can't afford vey basic stuffs like a haircut, bus fares, uniforms and even money to go see the doctor when they are sick. Ryan, I hope, will not have to go through any of that. So, mummy will have to keep working.

I don't really know how I've fared as a mother. I always question myself when I leave him in his bed 6.30am to leave for work, or when I'm at school till very late in the afternoon. But as long as he keeps smiling and laughing the way he always does, I think I am doing ok. A smiling baby is a happy baby right? And that's all that matters.

I love you, Ryan.
And you too, Ryan's abah!