I am totally mad that after 3 years, I'm getting more and more disillusioned with my job.
These people are cruelly snuffing the passion out of me.
And nope, I'm not talking about the ones in class.. I adore them. They are the reason that I smile and laugh (and sometimes, scream) each day.
It's those people up there, sitting in the office.
I start to wonder, the higher you go, the more you forget why you choose this profession in the first place. Or maybe, they were in it for the wrong reasons anyway.
I hope 10 years down the road (if I survive that long), I will not be someone who cares TOO much about value-add, mission and vision, Learning Needs Analysis, EPMS, whatever whatever... Because for me, the kids come first. And if do forget, please come up to me and knock the sense back into my head. I have my own sense of fulfillment. I DO NOT want to advance into whatever track you shove under my nose (which only gave you reasons to shove extra AND unnecessary tasks to my already about to break sholuders) because, I simply do not want to turn into another you.

I am happy when my kids look forward to coming to my lessons. I am happy when they listen to my stories with awe in their eyes. i am happy when my kids chose me to come crying to when they broke up with the boyfriends. I am happy when they love whatever quizzes I came up with during class. i am happy when the boys prefer to stay in my class during recess to play with whatever musical instruments there at the back of the class. I am happy when my kids pass by my class and shout, "Heloo cikgu! Why you never teach me this year? I miss your class!" I am happy when my kids proudly present me with the food they cooked during HOMEC. I am happy when my kids who have graduated came back to school just to say hello to me.

So, you see. I am happy.
You do not need to tell me what to do to be happy.
Because, I am not you.

Im having one of those terrible mood swings.
I eat. I feel fat. Then I eat again to feel better. And then I feel fat. So I eat again. Its like a vicious cycle.
I feel lousy.
I havent gone for a good hair treatment for months.
I havent been going out to properly shop for months.
I think I havent even bought new clothes for months.
I havent had a proper date for months.
No wonder Im feeling as low as it can get.
This wedding is killing me.

Bridal - Checked
Indoor/Outdoor Photography- Checked
Videographer- Checked

And yet..Im still one nervous wreck.