Smooth sailing

Recently, there have been some talks going on that I have the smoothest of life.

Alhamdulillah, if they see me as one of the happiest, problem-free person, as I really am quite grateful of how my life has been so far (minus the occasional complains).

But I couldn't help feeling rather offended and a little pissed when they make it sound as though I have things served to me on a big, shiny silver platter, cos it really ain't so.



Education-wise.. Yup. My journey up the education system have been one simple way up. If you have seen the regular educational route that MOE has, the one that I keep showing to my students, you will see that mine is the shortest, direct-ess route. Primary-> Sec (Express)->JC (supposedly the cream of the crop)-> NUS-> Post-grad in Ed. But it's not as if I have a magic wand that zap everything into my brain. I study hard for all of my tests and exams. I was a kental student who LOVE homeworks and exams. Ridiculous? But thats the truth. And it's not as though I've never faced failure before. Few people knew that I failed my Year One in NUS, due to the fact that I'd rather meet Shahreil and go all around town than sit in the boring, incoherent Economics lecture. Lucky for me, I got to skip Year 2 and went straight to Year 3 as soon as I completed my Sociology module which I had replaced Econs with.



Career-wise.. Shahreil posed me this question a few weeks back when we were talking about jobs. "What is your dream job?" I didn't even hesitate to think when I gave him the answer. YES! As much as I'd sigh and complain and cry (which I do a lot!) about my job, it IS what I have always wanted to do. As a kid, I'd spend my afternoons stacking my exercise books and 'mark' them. I'd stand by the wall with a textbook in my hand, giving lessons to my imaginary students. For as long as I remember, I HAVE wanted to teach. So what, if I am one in the million who get to do what they want to do? I want a normal job. I want to do something I am interested in. I want to do something I know I am good at. I do not have unrealistic dreams of becoming a supermodel or well-known singer, world-known footballer or the head honcho of a MNC, which are of course, more difficult to achieve.

Relationship-wise... I am lucky to have married my teenage sweetheart. But hey, every girl needs to kiss many slimy frogs before one really turns into a handsome prince. I've had my fair share of slimy guys. I've been dumped. I've been deceived. I've had my heart broken into pieces. It's just that I kissed the right frog a little earlier than most of the girls out there, at 18 years old, to be exact. And it's not as if me and Shahreil have the most perfect relationship in the world-- no one does, anyway. We've broken up so many times that we didnt bother to keep track of it anymore. We've had our fair share of arguments, of outbursts, of name-callings of tears.

Financial-wise.. Just a week ago, I found out that a relative of mine wanted to borrow 8K from me. When told that I didn't have that much, she said, " Takkanlah... Along kan cikgu, banyak duit.." I didn't know whether I should laugh or cry at that point. Yes, I have a good-paying job. But I do have a lot of responsibilites too, you know. And it's not as if money fall from the sky for me. And if you do notice, I do not spend a lot (or at least, as much as I'd love to). I don't have new clothes every week, I do not have branded items, I do not go on faraway vacations, I do not have expensive bags or shoes.

People envy me for having the 'perfect' life. A good husband, a child, a house, a car, a job'. "She's so lucky, she has everything. Everything is so easy for her", so they say. Yes, I do. But look beyond that surface. Do you see me waking at 5.30 every morning and frantically preparing everything before carrying my nearly 12kg baby at 6.15am to his grandparents' house? Do you see me coughing and straining my throat in class, feet sore from hours of standing, heart and head hurt from all the discipline problems? Do you my heart aching for having to work and not look after my son? Do you see me putting down my bag at 6.30pm in the afternoon and immediately start cooking/feeding/laundry/vacuuming and sometimes falling asleep with my work clothes still on? Do you see me melting down and crying my eyes out and wiping my snot all over my husband's t-shirt when I feel like I couldn't take it anymore?

Of course you don't. So don't ever say that I have the easiest life.

Despite it being tough at times, I feel grateful for everything that I have. Thanks to Shahreil who have always been my rock, for being there to dispense valuable advice, whose cheerful disposition towards life never fail to rub off me a little. From him, I learn to compare myself not to those who are supposedly better-off. For it does nothing, but cause more bitterness and jealousy. I learn to compare myself to those who are in worse positions than me. When I am unhappy with my work, I have to think about those who have no jobs at all or those who have to hold 2 jobs to make ends meet. When I complain about housework, I have to be thankful that I even have a house! When I get cranky for having to wake up in the middle of the night to attend to my crying child, I should be happy that I still have my son with me, happy and healthy.

Now that it's off my chest, I feel better.
So to those who assume that I have the 'perfect' life, I definitely don't.

And when things gets tough, I have this poem that I pinned up at my work desk as a reminder to appreciate whatever I have. It never fails to make me feel better.

Setiap kerdip mataku Ya Allah
AKu bersyukur atas nikmat ini
Banyak orang melihat tetapi buta

Setiap tarik nafasku Ya Allah
Aku bersyukur atas nikmat ini
Banyak orang mencium tetapi tak mampu membau

Setiap apa yang kudengar Ya Allah
Aku bersyukur atas nikmat ini
Banyak orang mendengar tetapi tuli

Setiap apa yang kuucapkan Ya Allah
Aku bersyukur atas nikmat ini
BAnyak orang berucap tetapi bisu

Setiap degup dan detak jantungku Ya Allah
Aku bersyukur atas nikmat ini
Banyak orang hidup tetapi mati

Akhirnya Ya Allah
Jangan kau cabut rasa syukurku
Yang dapat membuatku tuli, buta, bisu dan mati.

Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulliah.
Alhamdulillah.