Motherhood

Thank you, Samsiah for introducing this wonderful website to me: www.suhaibwebb.com
That's one of the things I love about having Sam not only as a colleague, but a friend. She's not only my makan kaki, she also inspires me to be better al the time. And for that, I am grateful.

While browsing through the website, I came upon this article, "Mother, Not Matyr", and boy, don't I just agree with everything that's written in it!
Basically, there's 6 ways that mothers can find the balance and get through the tough days of parenthood while at the same time enjoying the whole journey. (and some days, I can tell you, it is EXTREMELY tough to find the enjoyment!)

No 1: I will remind myself daily that my time with my children is precious

I do this all the time when I feel like screaming out loud, "I HATE BEING A MOTHER, GET ME OUT OF HERE!" I try to remind myself that every minute is precious because once I'm back at work, I will miss them soooooo much. And of course, this doesnt last forever.. the hugs, the wanting to be with me, the clinging on to my leg as I try to move from one room to another, the barging into the room as I try to have a moment to myself, the knocking on the door as I try to have some quiet moment hiding in the toilet (yes! I do that!).. There will come a day when all these will stop, when I'm no longer the person that they love the most! And how I dread it!

No. 2: . “I will take care of myself.”

I believe this is just one of the 'occupational hazards' of being a mother. We tend to just give and give and give that we totally forgot about ourselves. Just a few weeks back Shahreil commented, "Kenapa rambut you keras?" I didnt know whether to scream at him or to cry. Of course it's keras! When was the last time I went to the salon?! When was the last time I had time to actually dry my hair properly?! When was the last time I wore a hair mask?! When ?! When?! When?!

I've been pushing back the idea of going to the salon soooo many days because I feel guilty about leaving my kids while I'm out pampering myself. But HEY! A happy mother is afterall a better mother! Having a few hours to myself doing whatever I want doesnt make me a bad mom, does it? So I will try to push that guilt aside and have that salon date (with myself) sometime this week. No more pushing it back!

3. I'm not a perfect mother.

Don't you just hate it when you see a mother who seems to have it all under control? Cos I don't. Most of the time, I feel like Im losing control. But lucky for me, I'm surrounded by mother friends who are in the same state as me. :-)

"We can only do the best that we can with what we have and we should focus on the things that matter – our relationships with them. Dinners won’t always be amazing, the dishes won’t always be clean, and laundry will pile up, but when our kids become adults they won’t remember any of that; rather they will remember the time they spent and the conversations they had with us."

This paragraph really hit me in the face! Sometimes (ok ok... almost all the time!) I am too preoccupied in trying to have everything in the house in perfect order that I neglect my kids. So today, I'm declaring a no-housework day, and will devote all my time to being with them! YEAHHH!!!

NO 4: I will make my marriage a priority.

That's the reason why I NEED the dates with Shahreil. I salute those parents who do not go anywhere without their children. I can't. I have to have those weekly dates or I will just go crazy.

"It is vital we spend time alone with our husband so that we can see each other through the lens of a spouse and not only as a caregiver to our children. "

Other than seeing Shahreil as the father of my boys, I need to see him as my lover, my friend, my buddy, my clown, my companion.. everything that he was before parenthood came along.


No 5: I will value my friendships

Ok, I'm guilty of this. I should go out more often with my friends. Period.

No 6: I will prioritize family dinners

And for this, I will slowly get to it. :-)


Here's to TRYING to be a happier mother!