I've got a terrible headache today. Its hurting like hell (and what am i doing in front of the pc?!) Wha's the cause of my heachache? errm..izzit the weather? the rain? the stress? the kids? shahreil? money? the hairspray? i have no idea. Maybe its all of them..but it hurts
Anyway, i think i am a workaholic. I think about work all the time. I feel guilty when i go home early (like today), i feel guilty when I'm not stuck at my desk doing werk (like now).. *argh*
I dont want to be a workaholic. I want to be able to enjoy lazing around after work, guilt free. But even now, my head is full of what i should do after this. Like..preparing my lessons..
I'm doomed..
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Monday, April 04, 2005
Its back to Sunday
It's positive. Im suffering from Sunday blues. I think that is far worse than the Monday blues. At least, those people who suffer from Monday blues are still able to enjoy their Sundays. Not me. Come Sunday, Í'm a total bitch. I am still a bitch right now, because it IS still Sunday. That is bad, as effectively, my weekend is limited to Saturday. Am i making sense here? Well, who cares. It makes sense to me.'
Anyway, how was my weekend? Saturday was good. I had fun with my beloved girlfriend, Faheema. Love her to bits. Whenever i'm with her, i'm happy. She cracks me up and the best part is of course when we get to gossip. Hahahah... Plus, I can be myself when I'm with her. Not like with some of my other friends. It's hard to be myself when I'm around them. I always feel like I have to watch how i behave..what i say and all that. Always worry whether my clothes too tight, my sleeves too short, my language too vulgar, my make-up too thick.. that kind of thing. Gets very stressed up and all jittery when i'm with them. With Faheema, anything goes... I can let my hair down and just talk crap all day long.
Today's not so good. Mainly because it's sunday. I have to start my most hated ritual.. setting the stupid alarm to 5.15 am. Never mind.. I have another 1 hour or so before i do that.
I'm confused. How can you love someone so much that it hurts. Love is supposed to be a feel-good thing. But how come it hurts. How is it, we are able to love someone so much that just the thought of meeting him will give us the strength to go through the otherwise awful day, YET at the same time, we hate the sight of the person so much that we have this strong desire to punch him in the face. Heheh.. i realli feel like punching him sometimes. I always do the Ally McBeal thing in my head...
But, i also learn (after 6 yrs) that love and relationship takes a lot of hard work. I'm pretty sure what i have with him is true love. (ewww..) But it is true. I mean, this HAS got to be IT. We hurt each other mentally and emotionally all the time, but then it doesnt matter cause at the end of the day, we know that we really do love each other. And we know that we will never ever be happier with another person. And that we really would like to grow old together. And hopefully, we'll still be very much in love then. And that we still want to hold each other's hands and steal kisses every now and then.
I love you, my dear.
Anyway, how was my weekend? Saturday was good. I had fun with my beloved girlfriend, Faheema. Love her to bits. Whenever i'm with her, i'm happy. She cracks me up and the best part is of course when we get to gossip. Hahahah... Plus, I can be myself when I'm with her. Not like with some of my other friends. It's hard to be myself when I'm around them. I always feel like I have to watch how i behave..what i say and all that. Always worry whether my clothes too tight, my sleeves too short, my language too vulgar, my make-up too thick.. that kind of thing. Gets very stressed up and all jittery when i'm with them. With Faheema, anything goes... I can let my hair down and just talk crap all day long.
Today's not so good. Mainly because it's sunday. I have to start my most hated ritual.. setting the stupid alarm to 5.15 am. Never mind.. I have another 1 hour or so before i do that.
I'm confused. How can you love someone so much that it hurts. Love is supposed to be a feel-good thing. But how come it hurts. How is it, we are able to love someone so much that just the thought of meeting him will give us the strength to go through the otherwise awful day, YET at the same time, we hate the sight of the person so much that we have this strong desire to punch him in the face. Heheh.. i realli feel like punching him sometimes. I always do the Ally McBeal thing in my head...
But, i also learn (after 6 yrs) that love and relationship takes a lot of hard work. I'm pretty sure what i have with him is true love. (ewww..) But it is true. I mean, this HAS got to be IT. We hurt each other mentally and emotionally all the time, but then it doesnt matter cause at the end of the day, we know that we really do love each other. And we know that we will never ever be happier with another person. And that we really would like to grow old together. And hopefully, we'll still be very much in love then. And that we still want to hold each other's hands and steal kisses every now and then.
I love you, my dear.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Its finally friday! yippeee!!
i'm in a good mood today.. simply because it is FINALLY freaking FRIDAY!!! YEAH!!!!!!!! *phew*
I've been slogging through all week long! Finally I can look forward to sleeping late at night today and not having to think about waking up early tomorrow. You know what i hate doing most at night? Its setting the alarm to 5.15am. It sucks totally. And today! Like all fridays! I dont have to do that dreadful thing. Hehehhe..I'm a happy person today.
Anyways, i have 2 very difficult tasks.
a) preparing the House Identity for sports day. It is a big thing cause, we were last year's champs and so the pressure is on us to win..both the events and the cheerleading. I've asked a few kids to think of what to do/make...and praying that they can be trusted to do what i asked them to do well..and most importantly, on time. Sports Day is next Sat and i really do not wish to be a nervous wreck on Friday, screaming at them to finish doing the shakers, pompoms and whatnots. Well, hope that all goes well yeah..
b) the P called me to her office a few days back. She wanted to talk regarding the 3NT girls. She has sort of challenged me to change the girls. How am i supposed to do that?!!!! I'm having sleepless nights thinking of what to do.. Well, for start, i'm meeting one of them after school (in like 20 more minutes!) and i have no idea what to do or say yet. I'm really heartbroken to see these girls turning out to be like this. They were such angels when they first entered the school. What happened?! Something is wrong... with the system..with the society... and i am still clueless as to what is the core problem here..
BUT, last week, it suddenly dawned upon me that the single-session system in school has a single for extremely huge flaw! Its like a revelation. I felt as thought i was going through enlightenment or sumthing..hehehhe... The flaw here is that.... a single-session school allows the decent, naive, impressionable sec 1 kids to emulate the less then praiseworthy behaviour of the sec3s and 4s. Students from all levels mix very freely...and its scary how fast the sec 1s go through the transformation--from good to bad. I strongly believe that we should just cut these unnecessary and sometimes destructive relationships between the lower sec and the upper sec kids! HELLOOOO!!! MOE personnels!! Are you reading this?!
before i end... i want to add that i realise that teaching IS a truly noble profession and i am proud that i am a teacher.. (thou it sucks most of the time)
I've been slogging through all week long! Finally I can look forward to sleeping late at night today and not having to think about waking up early tomorrow. You know what i hate doing most at night? Its setting the alarm to 5.15am. It sucks totally. And today! Like all fridays! I dont have to do that dreadful thing. Hehehhe..I'm a happy person today.
Anyways, i have 2 very difficult tasks.
a) preparing the House Identity for sports day. It is a big thing cause, we were last year's champs and so the pressure is on us to win..both the events and the cheerleading. I've asked a few kids to think of what to do/make...and praying that they can be trusted to do what i asked them to do well..and most importantly, on time. Sports Day is next Sat and i really do not wish to be a nervous wreck on Friday, screaming at them to finish doing the shakers, pompoms and whatnots. Well, hope that all goes well yeah..
b) the P called me to her office a few days back. She wanted to talk regarding the 3NT girls. She has sort of challenged me to change the girls. How am i supposed to do that?!!!! I'm having sleepless nights thinking of what to do.. Well, for start, i'm meeting one of them after school (in like 20 more minutes!) and i have no idea what to do or say yet. I'm really heartbroken to see these girls turning out to be like this. They were such angels when they first entered the school. What happened?! Something is wrong... with the system..with the society... and i am still clueless as to what is the core problem here..
BUT, last week, it suddenly dawned upon me that the single-session system in school has a single for extremely huge flaw! Its like a revelation. I felt as thought i was going through enlightenment or sumthing..hehehhe... The flaw here is that.... a single-session school allows the decent, naive, impressionable sec 1 kids to emulate the less then praiseworthy behaviour of the sec3s and 4s. Students from all levels mix very freely...and its scary how fast the sec 1s go through the transformation--from good to bad. I strongly believe that we should just cut these unnecessary and sometimes destructive relationships between the lower sec and the upper sec kids! HELLOOOO!!! MOE personnels!! Are you reading this?!
before i end... i want to add that i realise that teaching IS a truly noble profession and i am proud that i am a teacher.. (thou it sucks most of the time)
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