i feel like crying..or throwing a tantrum..or shouting at the innocent around me.
I have no idea why.

The day was supposed to be a fun-filled one. Breakfast with my love, and spending the whole day with him. Alas, i should have learned from past experiences that when i expect too much of something, i will be disappointed. And i was.

But it was ok. Although i was seething with anger throughout the journey. i tried to calm myself. Cos i know somehow, everything will be twisted around..and I will be the bitch. As usual.

And it got better when he bought me a big bar of choc (fruit n nut..my fav). I didnt want to spoil the day. It was ok. We had a good lunch(on him) and caught a good movie... the movie was suprisingly good. Too many asian horror stories have let me down..so i wasnt expecting much from this..but it was good. I was spooked. but then, i get spooked easily..

Anyway, back to my date. It was a nice date...but somehow, it wasn't enough. It's just not enough nowdays. I want MORe. More excitement..somehow everything was so normal and so...typical. Eat..movie..walk around..and then eat again cos we are bored and dunno what else to do...and then go home. Every single day is the same.

I want different things. Thats why i've been asking him to go out with me at 6am..go hiking or walking ard to nice eating places to have our breakfast. Find a new spot to eat. I think that'd be lovely. Then, watch the sunrise or something. Then go cycling...or play badminton..or go build sandcastles..or go to treetop walk or.. go ubin..or swimming..or fucking anything@!

I want to cry so badly. I want to shout so badly. I wish he'd understand. he wouldnt. He's so contented witht he way things are. no matter how boring US have been. I'm fucking sad! i want him to understand. i am so sad. I've been so looking forward to this june holidays to do so many things with him. but the way things are..it'll be the same boring days.. all the way till school reopens...

i want to cry.