Only Wed??? I'm tired..

Well...as you can see.. I've been very busy with work since school starts. But i'm ok, so far. Have to be ok since its only like the FIRST week of school! Still 9 weeks to go!

HAd a freaky incident in school yesterday. I was in this classroom waiting for my kids to come in..they were still in the assembly ground and the school was extra quiet for the day cos of the new and very tight discipline that the discipline comm is trying to implement. Neway, i was in the class all alone and when i came in, i thought to myself..shall i open the windows while waiting for the kids? But then, i decided NOT to cos i wanted to train the kids to open the windows themselves once they enter the class. So, i sat down and flipped thru the txtbk. Not more than a minute later, i looked up and guess wat! The windows are open! First, u have to know that i AM not the quick-to-freak-out-type when it comes to strange happenings like this. Cos most of the time i like to make myself feel better by giving scintific explanations for most things. SO i stared at the opened windows for a full half minute, raking my brain for one...but i cant find one.. It still gv me the creeps. I mean, no one walked past and it was dead quiet. I was like "thanks..but u really didnt hv to do dat" to whoever or whateve that opened the windows for me.. Of coz, i got the hell out of there and waited for my students outside of the class.

Today is not a good day. Mainly, cos its a Sunday and i hate sundays (unless of coz, the following monday is a holiday..) And tomorrow.. my 10 weeks of torture will begin. *sigh* JUs thinking of it rite now is making me have another bout of migrane.

Second, its a rainy day today..not that i hate rains..i love it most of the time, but somehow the rain seems to be getting on my nerves today and has successfully dampened my oredy not-so-good spirits. It was thus not a very brilliant idea when i went to the Mall just now, wanting to buy my markers, pens and bla..bla.. THe rain was REALLI heavy and that small and flimsy umbrella wasnt of much help.. i had this fear that it was going be blown away right in the middle of the road, leaving me red-faced and not to mention, drenched! At the same time, i was afraid that i'd slip and fall flat on my butt. SO i had to walk reaali ssss...ll...oooooooo...wwww.. (get my drift?) At that point of time, i tot, "it be nice to hv my bf to hang on to". but well... nvm..

Talking abt bf, he's really pissed at me when he saw my previous entry. its not as if i was trying to humiliate or anything..i just wrote what i felt. is that wrong? he always asked me to be more open, but when i'm open..he gets pissed off. i'm confused. neway, i really wanted to go out with him today..looks like there's no way thats going to happen. why? a) he's still asleep, by the time he wakes up..he'l hv to go watch the soccer match. b) he's way too pissed off
I think he doesnt understd why i want to go out with him today when obviously there's stiill tomorrow or day after tomorrow..and so on..and so on.. In addition to that, we did go out together a lot during the last few weeks. its just that..i dunno, i felt like i needed to see him b4 sch starts tomorrow...maybe take my mind off school for the time being.. you know..that kind of thing. Maybe i'm too dependent of him. Its like i need him. I'm i making sense to you? Maybe not..ok2...let me explain...

Lets say i'll have something that i need to attend to on Tuesday morning, i'll feel better if i know that I'll be meeting him on Tuesday afternoon thus I have something to look forward to and go through with whatever i ahve to go through with lesser dread. Or... if i dread Friday, then, the thought of meeting him on Thursday will sort of perk me up and i can shelve whateva i was dreading, for at least a while. Clingy? Yah...sounds like it to me too.. BUt i dunno, he's like sort of the provider of my strength. Ewwww..that sounds corny to me even..hahhaha... I dun mean to be clingy you know, but somehow it appears to be so.

Well, forget it...

Wanna know what i bought today? Pens, markers, highlighter, a U2 maroon-coloured shirt, a nice witch-like shoe, a pencil case. Popular was closed today. What the hell! Public holiday was YESTERDAY! HEllloooooo..... SOrt of felt that it was a wasted trip. I wanted to buy files and so on..but i guess, i have to do it tomorrow then..

Hope tomorrow is a better day.

ohhHH..i'm so busy honey

i'm damn bored today. and i'm disgusted that my boyfriend does not seem to miss me as much as i miss him. ok fine..he's busy with whateva project he's working on, i understand that. but suprise..suprise..he has the time to hang out with his bloody friends at that bloody eating place. if he could spare some time for his beloved friends, why cant he do the same for me? i dont understand that! he was too busy today that i had to go and literally begged him talk to me on the phone, which he did grudgingly, if i may add. i hinted (or did i asked out right..? hmm..) that i wanted to go out with him tomorrow, but he said he's too busy with his editing work and he wanted to finish the thing that he's working on as soon as possible. but of coz, all that can wait when it comes to meeting his friends.

he'l think i'm a bitch for feeling and acting this way..(he thinks i'm a "thick princess thinking skull" by the way) and this will nicely reinforce his impression of me. but cant he try to understand me? the "ohh..i'm-sorry-i-cant-talk-to-you-right- now, so-dont-sulk, cos-i'm- too-bz" part.. i UNDERSTAND. the "ohh..i-cant-go-out-with-you-tomorrow-cos-i-wanna-finish-this-up" part..i UNDERSTAND. but what i DONT understand is the "ohh..i'm -on-my-way-to-bloody -alif-to-meet-my-bloody-friends-and-hang-out-talking-i-dont-noe-what-th- f*$#-all-night-long" part!

The state of my mind.. NOT GOOD

Its 1st Jan.. and every year on this date, i'm not a hapy person cause usually it means, the start of a new school year. And after nearly 2 mths of holiday, i'll be dreading the thought of waking up early in the morning.. homeworks and what-nots. Well, i need to point out that i'm out of school (in theory, that is)..but in reality, i've not escaped the whole education system, cos you see..i teach. ANd the feeling is DEFINITELY, 100% positively, TOTALLY worse than when i was a student. But let's not get into that for now..cos i've got other important things on my mind.

Its abt the tsunami tragedy that struck asia recently. To let you guys out there noe, i'm really affected by it. BAD. and when i say BAD i mean REAL BAD. I cry when i read the news, when i hear the news, when people talk about it, when i think about it, i even have nightmares abt it. NO... I wasnt at any of the disaster area.. and non of my family members are victims.. Its just that i was in phi phi island barely 2 weeks before the disaster. And i was like still suffering frm what i'd call post-holiday symptoms: talk phi phi, eat phi phi, sleep phi phi. Me and my group of friends couldn't stop talking about phi phi. I flip through pics of phi phi ever few hours. I eben harbour dreams of quitting my job in a few years time to actually live in phi phi and sell satay...hehehhehe... Thats how badly i've fallen for phi phi and its people.

So guess how i felt when i heard that dreadful news? TERRIBLE. I'm an emotional wreck now. I keep having these flashes of all the people i've known, talked to or even just seen in phi phi. HOw's that man is doing? IS this woman alive? Is He dead..bla..BLA..BLA..and i'll start crying..

I think my boyfriend is getting quite sick with me already. He kept trying to make me feel better but obviously it didnt work. I KNOW its GOD'S WILL and there's nothing in the world that i could do to stop it. BUT somehow i felt that something could have been done to avert the disaster. At times like this, i wish that i'm superman (dun laugh! its true!) But i guess even superman couldnt have possibly done anything right? *sigh*

All that i could do now is to provide assistance. I've donated but somehow i wish i could do more that just that. Ive this crazy thought of going to phi phi to actually help physically. but of course i cant. i'm bonded to my job. i need to go there somehow. maybe for myself..for some kind of closure. see the destruction for myself. see the people that i care about down there are ok.

i still hold this strong desire to go there. I WILL go there. Maybe not now but one day..i will. FOr now, all i can do is to pray for those who fall.

DEATH LEAVES A HEARTACHE THAT NO ONE CAN HEAL, LOVE LEAVES A
MEMORY NO ONE CAN STEAL