it's not a good day today. Well, if you notice, i onli write when its not a good day. It's not supposed to be like that. I realli wanted to write when i was happy and satisfied.
For the last few weeks, i was happy. I woke up cranky( of course) but i always managed to perk myself up after the shower.. and while doing my make up where i always pretend that i'm some kind of famous singer off to do a photoshoot (pathetic, i noe) Then i always looked forward to my ever wonderful bus rides and the early morning walk to school. Its really lovely u noe. The scenery is absolutely beautiful at 6.30am. I always wished that someday i can share that gorgeous scenery on the bridge overlooking the highway with my bf( if i can drag him out of bed, that is). But of cos, i've lost my chance now.
I enjoyed my lessons (hey, i AM a creative teacher!) and even the long hours in school. I would stay back after school to do my werk cos i didnt feel like going home. Its actually quite nice to stay back late and do stuffs without rushing.
But that changed. I dunno why. I'm back to being my cranky old self. I'm tired. Exhausted realli. 4 times a week i will go home after 5 pm. 3 times for CCA (under the blazing sun!) and 1 for the whateva meetings/workshops on thursdays. If not that, i''l b with my bf.. trudging all over town doing nothing. It's not that i dont like being with him. Hell, that's the onli thing i look forward to each day. but i'm tired and the endless walking is not my idea of fun. I didnt noe that being a teacher requires u to be on your feet that much. Imagine this..5.15..i'm up on my feet..all the way to 6.55 at least. On ave.. i have 5 hours of lesson time per day and so..5 hours of standing..then, if i hv CCA, dun start imagining i'm sitting down..i'll be on the fireld..STANDING. I'm tired! My fucking feet hurts! It hurts like fucking mad! and i only wish that he gvs me a little understanding..not to mention a nice massage..
but he sees all these whining abt being tired as me being the weak one.. WHy dont u go have a little jog at night. he expects me to jog! i can barely even stand when i reach home. I'm exhausted and he wants me to JOG! it really doesnt help you noe. i wished he'd say, come here dear..let me gv u a back rub..or he'l take off my shoes and massage my feet a little. but wheneva i say i'm tired, he'l suggest going home ( with the best intentions, i noe) but i dun want to go home. I want to be with him. Sitting down in a park..and doing nothing. But he gets restless whenva we r sitting down in a park or by the beach or anywhere....
but thats all over. he left me. yesterday. for good. a little hug. and thats it. goodbye. what was i supposed to say? i dunno what to say. i only said thank you. for what the hell, i dunno. thank you for the maggi he cooked for me( i love him for that), thank you for the slippers ( i love him for that too), thank you for the hug, thank you for the kiss, thank you for staying with me for 2000++ days, thank you for tolerating me, thank you for doing my pc, thank you for doing my website for me when i had to do it for my NUS assignment, thank you for doing all the video editing stuffs for me during my practicum, thank you for sending me home late at night, thank you for singing to me before i sleep, thank you for suprising me with flowers, thank you for choosing me over Malah, thank you for being with me on my first 3 plane rides, thank you for listening to all my sill money problems, thank you for siding with my family on the 'bomoh' issue, thank you for charming my family, thank you for gving me your baby video, thank you for tolerating my materialistic personality, thank you for the meals you've treated me to, thank you for the $99 radio u bought me with your salary, thank you for the barbie dolls that you bought me, thank you for keeping my atm cards, thank you for helping me buy my digi cam, thank you for helping me buy my thumbdrive, thank you for eating my sour lemak ayam, thank you for being with me when i bought my first Levis jeans, thank you for buying me my baju kebayas when i have no money to buy them, thank you for visiting my mum in hospital, thank you for visiting my dad in hospital, thank you for fetching me from NUS, thank you for fetching me from NIE, thank you for fetching me work, thank you for being with me at the library while i was doing my research, thank you for treating me to Cafe Vienna, thank you for the wonderful 4th year anniversary present, thank you for making me the muddy mud pie, thank you for introducing me to your wonderful family, thank you for inviting me to Kukup, thank you for lending me money when i have none, thank you for topping up my Ezlink card, thank you for sending me those emails, thank you for sending me ecards, thank you for sending me letters, thank you for calling me up when u r overseas, thnak you for lending me your jacket when i'm cold, thank you for squeezing my hands when we r on ur bike, thank you for biting me to show that you love me, thank you for calling me all those absurd names which i always pretend that i hate, thank you for pinching me thou it hurts most of the time, thank you for making me laugh, thank you for all the bears that u bought me, thank you for shopping with me, thank you.. thank you.. thank you..
its a new day. nothing to look forward to.
1 comment:
Post a Comment