my love story

i used to have this simplistic idea of how a relationship should and would be.
Too simplistic. Girl falls in love with boy. Boy feels the same way. They live happily ever after. Read too many fairytales i guess.
I then realise, after so many years that, thats not the way.
there's too many things that actualli prevent u frm having the happily ever after ending.
Its kind of sad actualli.

I'm sad about many things.
1) I'm still sore about the Hanyut thing. Its not so much that he make out with another gerl on natinal tv. I'm not as stupid as to not be able to differentiate between reality and the tv-thingy.. But its sad that he doesnt thing that i should be given this tiny bit of allowance of being jealous over that. U noe..for weeks after he told me about the scenes, i was relishing the idea of being able to torment him into feeling guilty about it. Me and my sisters joked about how i could merajok for at least a month. It seemed kind of fun at first. Boy, was i wrong or wat! No sympathy at all. He got irritated. He gets irritated a lot these days u noe. And mostly its at me.

2) I'm hurt about the cancelling out the date thing. Was i being unreasonable? I realli tried to control wateva i was feeling. I still dun understd why he'd cancel out on me and my cooking (maybe my cooking sucks..hahah) to tag along with his frens. Somehow it just proves to me how much he'd rather be with them than with me. I didnt merajok, like he tot i was. Actualli i havnt bothered to merajok for a very long time. He didnt realise that. Usuali i'm angry. I dont merajok. I show my anger. There's a difference there. I nvr expect him to pujuk anymore. Why sld he rite?

3) About the blog thing. I realise today that Farah knew about the blog way before me. I dunno what to feel. I thought i was his best friend. He was mine. Obviously i'm not. Nvm..i dun want to talk about it.

4) He says realli hurtful things nowdays. He's sick of me and my silly antics. That much i noe. I'm a negative person. Expecting life to gv me roses or sumthing like dat.. Materialistic.. I think the worse part was the i make him sick part. It hurts. It still does actualli. After all these years and all i've done for him, i realised that i actualli make him sick. I sound petty rite..talking about the things i've done for him when he has done as much for me. Well.. i dunno..

SO to sum it up..

I dunno how to say no.
I'm sick today.
I've lost a bestfriend. Maybe i've nvr had one in the first place.
I'm too materialistic.
I'm bored.
My life is actualli empty. I just realised that. Its empty without him. So empty.