Dilemma of a Working Mother

Ryan at birth

I believe all working mothers are in a constant dilemma, torn between their jobs and staying at home to look after their children. I struggle with it myself every single day. Not a day pass by without me wondering if I am doing the right thing. If my decision to continue working will in any way affect his future..errmm..not that I have a choice to NOT work either.

There's this niggling little voice inside of you that says that you are being a bad mom by not being with him 24/7, not being the one to bathe him, feed him put him to bed day in day out. And I know that in future I will miss his first days at school because I will have to receive other others' kids for THEIR first days at school. I will most likely not be the one to see him to his nursery class door, or wait for him at the void deck when he step out of that small kindergarden van, or bring him to the library on weekdays, send him to various enrichment classes and so on and on and on.. Whenever I see mothers waiting at the void deck for their kids, I get real jealous. How lucky are these women, to see their kids grow up right under their nose? It sucks.

I keep telling myself, by working , my son will have a nice place to call home, can have good food to grow up healthy, all the right books and toys to grow up smart and have the occasional trips to see the world. I've seen how terrible it is for some of my kids at the workplace who can't afford vey basic stuffs like a haircut, bus fares, uniforms and even money to go see the doctor when they are sick. Ryan, I hope, will not have to go through any of that. So, mummy will have to keep working.

I don't really know how I've fared as a mother. I always question myself when I leave him in his bed 6.30am to leave for work, or when I'm at school till very late in the afternoon. But as long as he keeps smiling and laughing the way he always does, I think I am doing ok. A smiling baby is a happy baby right? And that's all that matters.

I love you, Ryan.
And you too, Ryan's abah!