I worry easily nowdays.
Not just for myself, but for others as well.
I worry about Shahreil riding his bike all the time.
I worry about my grandparents' well-being.
I just realised how old and fragile they are.
Especially Tok Aji whom my mum mentioned, is dying.
Scary.
And I worry everytime my dad coughs or starts wheezing.
Especially since he is one stubborn man who refuses to stop smoking despite already experiencing 2 heart-attacks.
And I start thinking whether I've done enough for them. Or whether they know that I love them even though I do not express it openly enough.
And I start thinking what I should start doing to express my love for them.
I havent even had the time and energy to visit my grandparents lately. Gone were the days when i'd make my way to Tok Ne's house in the afternoon. Now, by the time I finish work, I'd be too tired.
And whatever communication I have with my dad is Hi Hi Bye Bye.
Our long working hours preventing us to do more than that.
Sometimes I miss those days where he'd bring us all to eat outside or the times when he'd cook for us. Now, he seems so far away..
Whatever free time he has, he'll either go to masjid or kedai kopi or Buru.
It's kind of frustrating sometimes.

Ok, tukar topik sikit.
Yesterday, masa takde kerja..(yeah rite) tangan gatal pegi bukak diari lama.
It was hilarious reading all those old entries, especially those about Shahreil.
Masa zaman2 belum matair and baru-baru matair.
I kept calling him up in the middle of reading the journal, to say things like
"Oit! You didnt pay for my food on our first date!"
"Yaaanngg... you sang for Normalah first @1.05am then you sang for me @1.11am. Me second choice eh???!"
Hhahha..
And I miss those days. Sometimes I think I forgot how much we are in love with each other. And how badly I wanted him last time and the things I had to go through to get him. Hahah.. Yup, I was that crazy over him.. Oppss..salah..still AM crazy about him.
Thou I'm a cranky biatch now.
I still am in love with you, Shahreil Bakri.

Ooops..sebelum terlupa, here's wishing my dearest daddy a Happy 54th Birthday!
He's the most hardworking man I've ever known.
He goes out to work @ 5.30am.. and reaches home only @ 10++ pm. I'm totally glad that's becoming less and less frequent. A man his age and condition shouldnt be working so hard.

Once again, Happy Birthday and hope to be celebrating many more of your birthdays in years to come.
We love you daddy!

The negativity in me is slowly creeping back.
I've got to fight it.
For my own sake and for the sake of others around me.

Work is piling.
I think this has been my busiest term ever!
The nightmares back.
The migranes here to stay.
I think I'm getting deaf. (as a result of being around too many shrieking hyperactive teenagers)
I get irritated easily.
I'm cranky 95% of the time.
I'm in the danger of bursting into tears anytime.
I'm afraid I'll just cave in under all these burden that has been heaped on me.

But Shahreil is always telling me to look on the brighter side of things.
So yeah, I guess I'm lucky enough to get the job that I've always wanted.
And I do love being surrounded by these young people.




My Darlings from 2N4. The whole lot of them during the last day of our camp. My Little Sunshines..

I have this tinge of sadness inside me. but I have no idea why.
Maybe its because the camp has ended( I always get sad after a good camp), maybe its because Mbakyu is going home Friday. (I always get sad when my maids leave).
Or maybe, I'm just a sad sad person.

The Excel Fest is finally over. *phew*
What a relief.
One thing off the list. NO. Make it two. The Racial Harmony assembly prog is cancelled. Another *phew*

I met 2 really ugly Singaporeans yesterday:
a) 1 involves a petty teacher who complained about fans. Yup. Fans.
I can't believe she's a teacher. What kind of values does she impart to her
small little students? but nvm, at least she adds a little drama to our
otherwise boring booth-watching day at the excel fest.
b) The other Singaporean is no better. I was standing at the school gate waiting for Ikin, when I saw this guy stopped behind me. I thought he was the owner of one of the many bicycles parked there, so I moved too give him way. Imagine my suprise, no, suprise is a nice word.. ermm..horror..when I saw him placing a used ice cream cup in the basket of one of the bicycles. I was so appalled! Disgusted.

Apalah dalam kepala otak dorang2 ni?

This entry is dedicated to a special someone who has always been there for me when I need him most.

He was there to help me complete my web design assignment when I was in NUS. (till now, I know nuts about web design)
He was there when I needed someone to chauffer me all the way from NIE to Bedok Library when I needed to complete my project.
He was there to help me film a short video for my NIE presentation.
He was there to help me with all the multimedia stuffs that I needed to impress my supervisor during my teaching practicum.
He was always there when my computer cock up on me.
He ever rode all the way tp Punggol during his lunch time to fetch and then send me to Yishun, knowing that I would not make it one time if I were to take the bus.
ANd today, once again..he was there for me when I'm desperately in need of help with my MOE Excel Fest items.

No words can describe how grateful I am.
I feel absolutely blessed for I know he will always be there.
And just that thought makes me stronger.

I believe I'm 2 kg heavier today.
I always get fatter during the weekends.. and I have to work my ass out to lose the weight that I gained during the weekends, only to gain it back again when weekends come and so it goes on and on and on.
The reason I eat so much during weekend is the fact that thats the time that my mum cooks for the family.
And when she cooks, its always a feast.
We had wanton noodle for lunch, and as most of you know, I love noodles.
And for dinner, she whipped up another feast.
Nasi minyak! With the daging korma and the sambal udang and the paceri nenas.
Of course I had more than 1 serving.
Now I'm totally full.

Talking about food, I think me and the future hubby will have lots of problems regarding our meals when we get married.
You see.. both of us have very different tastes when it comes to food.
Actually, he is the ngengada one.
Ini tak suka, itu tak makan.
Unlike me, I eat practically everything. Tak cerewet lah beb.
But most of the food that I like, he thinks weird.
I love my veggies..all kinds. Petai and jering included.
Him. I spent 10 minutes yesterday, coaxing and forcing and back to coaxing him to try eating 1 small tiny weeny broccoli..which he refused, of course.
I love my tomatoes.. every dish I cook, i try to put in tomatoes, and he hates it.
I love seafood..kerang, remis, kepah, kupang, siput..
And he thinks I eat weird food like sambal tomat and sambal lonteh(ok, this sounds weird, I know)
And I cant survive not eating sambal. He hates food which are red in colour.
I think, we are definitely in trouble.

I think I'm addicted to Shahreil.

One week into work and my migrane is back.
I think its migrane..or what my dear dr cheung call stress-headache.
Yup, I'm stressed.
Only 1 week. 9 more weeks to go, Yati.
It's ok. Shahreil told me to tackle one task at a time.
So, I've already done the Youth Day concert rehearsal this morning. (Me n Geok Eng are i/ç of this AGAIN!)
I will prepare the ML Common Test THIS WEEKEND.
I will have to start thinking abt the TLLM booth for the EXCEL fest this Fri n Sat.
Then there's the SEc 2 camp..
And the N Level Oral..
And the Racial HArmony concert in 3 weeks time. (apa? muka aku ni muka concert ke??)
And of course, the I LOVE PUNGGOL Carnival + Speech Day on 8th August.

Stressed beb, tapi mcam exciting pun ada gak.
ANd the fact that I know all the other teachers are as busy and stressed up as I am.
I get to bitch about the workload with my teacher-frens on msn... and in the staff lounge.
And it makes me feel better.
A little sadistic, I know.

But I still want this headache to go away.
Its making me cranky everyday.
Its making me too sick to do anything except jump onto the bed.
I slept @ 8pm yesterday! Can you imagine.. 8!

In the meantime, I will enjoy my saturday.
Anyone want to go Batam tmr?? I miss my choconutz.