I worry easily nowdays.
Not just for myself, but for others as well.
I worry about Shahreil riding his bike all the time.
I worry about my grandparents' well-being.
I just realised how old and fragile they are.
Especially Tok Aji whom my mum mentioned, is dying.
Scary.
And I worry everytime my dad coughs or starts wheezing.
Especially since he is one stubborn man who refuses to stop smoking despite already experiencing 2 heart-attacks.
And I start thinking whether I've done enough for them. Or whether they know that I love them even though I do not express it openly enough.
And I start thinking what I should start doing to express my love for them.
I havent even had the time and energy to visit my grandparents lately. Gone were the days when i'd make my way to Tok Ne's house in the afternoon. Now, by the time I finish work, I'd be too tired.
And whatever communication I have with my dad is Hi Hi Bye Bye.
Our long working hours preventing us to do more than that.
Sometimes I miss those days where he'd bring us all to eat outside or the times when he'd cook for us. Now, he seems so far away..
Whatever free time he has, he'll either go to masjid or kedai kopi or Buru.
It's kind of frustrating sometimes.

Ok, tukar topik sikit.
Yesterday, masa takde kerja..(yeah rite) tangan gatal pegi bukak diari lama.
It was hilarious reading all those old entries, especially those about Shahreil.
Masa zaman2 belum matair and baru-baru matair.
I kept calling him up in the middle of reading the journal, to say things like
"Oit! You didnt pay for my food on our first date!"
"Yaaanngg... you sang for Normalah first @1.05am then you sang for me @1.11am. Me second choice eh???!"
Hhahha..
And I miss those days. Sometimes I think I forgot how much we are in love with each other. And how badly I wanted him last time and the things I had to go through to get him. Hahah.. Yup, I was that crazy over him.. Oppss..salah..still AM crazy about him.
Thou I'm a cranky biatch now.
I still am in love with you, Shahreil Bakri.