I'm a happy person these days. Most probably due to the fact that it's a 1 month vacation for me. I really need it. A lot.

Suddenly, i'm back to the happy person that I was. No worries at all. Friday was nice. Shahreil sent me to MacRitchie for the X-country. It meant a lot to me. The fact that he voluntereed to send me. Him, waking up at 6. Travelling all the way to Tampines..and all the way to MR. And he fetched me when all was over. I didnt know how to express my appreciation at all. I said thank you. But that seemed soo.. small.

I spent the day at his house. Being a baby-sitter to those kids. Heheheh..I loved every minute! Didnt even mind when he left me to go for his friday prayers...or when he slept for 2 hours straight! I had a lot of fun that day. And i already miss those two kids.

Saturday was nice too. Me and Ikin decided to treat the family out to dinner. Weird, since I have barely enough money to last me till my next pay day. But the happiness that I felt, that my parents felt ..was way more important..and meaningful. It was a happy occassion. All 9 of us marching out to street 11. Talking and laughing... getting stared at by those people in the vehicles. The dinner was nice and suprisingly cheap. We bought durians on the way home.. knowin that all of us were coughing like mad the whole week. Ate the durian infront of the tv watching the malay comedy. It was heaven. Times like these are precious to me. Being with my family.

Anyway, back to shahreil. I love him. A lot. Sometimes it hurts. Like saturday, the love i was feeling inside was so overwhelming that it was scary. Cos i know that something will happen to burst the bubble of happiness that i was in. It always happen that way. But so far, i'm still happy. I want to grow old with shahreil. I think that's the most wonderful thing.

A Dream Come True

Today is a happy day.
It started out like any normal day.
Woke up at 515..reluctantly dragged myself out of the bed...bathed..got ready..
heard the 6am chime...rushed out of the house...afraid that i'll miss the bus, which for some reason, has been arriving at 6.04 instead of 6.09.

so..i was rushing down the stairs..struggling to take out my ezlink and folding my umbrella at the same time..
once i reached the void deck..i saw this guy at the carpark.. took me a while to register who he was..
Heheheh... and my heart actually skipped a beat when it finally dawned on me that it was HIM. heheheh..
It was HIM at my void deck at 6am!

U noe, my horoscope yesterday said that I'd meet someone out of the blue or sumthing..someone i havent met for a long time..and i wouldnt know how to react.
And that was what exactly happened today with him.

I got a real good hug..
I can still feel the hug.
Its nice and warm.

He wanted to send me to school..but guess what happened?
his bike died on us..Hahahah..
That was funny somehow (not to him of course)
and so he sent me by bus.
my dream of him sending me off to school (by bus, that is) came true today. WOW!
Always imagined how love it'd be if he could be with me during my bus rides..
And it was lovely!
And finally, my dream of being with him on that bridge came true.
My bridge.
U know, its such a lovely sight on the bridge, but nobody ever stopped to actually enjoy the view..
Silly.
But today, i got to share it with him.
Nice..
Change that..FANTASTIC.
I feel so contented being with him there.. walking hand in hand.. enjoying the lovely morning sight.

He had a gift for me. Prata. Cooked by him. With love, of course.
And on the cover, he wrote,
"To Yati, 6 years today I lay my eyes on you. I fell in love.. From Shahreil"
Isnt that the sweetest thing u've ever heard before?!
Well, i dont care about you! It IS the sweetest thing I've ever heard.

I was grinning from ear to ear, eating that prata.
It was nice and crunchy.
Love it.

He fell in love when he laid his eyes on me 6 years ago.
heheheh. Do u know that?
I bet not.
Anyway..it wasnt love at first sight for me..simply because..when i first saw him..i culdnt SEE him..
i wasnt wearin any contact lenses that day..hahahhaha
It was all very blur..
Until he came closer and i like what i saw..
Love you darling.

It was 6 years ago.
It was a special day.

Happy 6th Year First Date Anniversary.

I've decided to do my result analysis tomorrow. Why?
Simply because, silly me has left the data that i needed in school. What an idiot. I took the trouble to copy the files from teacher's sharing to my thumbdrive..and i forgot to bring home the papers that has all the data i need. Thats me, silly.

Its ok. I think i'll manage to complete everything by tomoro. Anyways, suddenly, while i was staring at the reslt analysis folder about 5 mins back, i realised i'm not sure to as what i'm supposed to do.
Fill in data for MY classes?? or the classes that i marked? I dunno! ok... i'll clarify everything with Sunarti tomoro. talking about work, one of my colleagues has been rather cranky these few days. Dunno why.

And i hav to withdraw another precious 1.5K frm my OCBC. My mum needs it to pay for my sister's school fees. *sigh* What to do? I have no idea..The downside of being the 'rich' eldest sister. I've lost count of how much exactly do people owe me. I dont bother to count..better not to. What i dont remember wont hurt.

Well, here's a checklist of what I'm going to do today, 10th May 2005.

1) Write a new entry for my blog while waiting for school to start.
Well, here i am.

2) Go to class for invigilation. I hate invigilations. Why? Cos it's SO boring. I get mental block everytime i have to do invgilations. Ok, get this. I have to invigilate 2 classes..1/3 and 1/4. If it is a 1 half hour paper, i have to be in each class for 30 mins. That means.. 1 hour straight of standing.. (sitting is not encouraged because 'we will not be able to see what our kids are up to') Can't even read or do anything else except to observe the kids who are either too busy struggling with their papers or else sleeping...or fidgeting...or staring back at you cos they are as bored as you are. Time really passes by extremely slow when its invigilation time. It feels like you are standing there for eternity. So, i pass my time having silly imaginary conversations in my head. Hahahhaha... Now i know why my teachers used to walk up and down the row during exam time. Its not because they are trying to ensure you are not cheating, they are just afraid they'll fall asleep if they stood still for the whole 1 hour or so. Now i know..hehehhehe...

Anyways.. there's two papers today..History will be 40 minutes of invigilation per class..meaning..80 minutes..*sigh* and then DnT paper will be 20 minutes per class, meaning.. 40 minutes..120 minutes in total of staring into space. But then, I'm not going to complain because IT IS better than teaching. Heheh..So, well..a no-brainer activity is fine with me.

3) Maybe i should start doing my marker's report today. Ok..ok..i should do it today. No maybes..or else, tetty will be after my neck soon.

4) I can go home early today. Exam finishes at 11.30. Can't remember whether i can go home right after that or I have to wait for 1pm. Hmmm... But then, so what if i can go home early. Nothing to look forward to. My bed maybe. I'm sleepy. Can't go anywhere else. I'm a pauper today. No money. Only 25 bucks and a few coins to my name. 20 in POSB, which i'd use later to top up my ezlink..and the 5 bucks for emergency needs. Ermm... can't even do anything else. Thought of asking Fati or feema out to lunch or dinner or anything..but no money. Pathetic..
Can't wait for friday when i'll be richer by another 2K at least. hehehhe...Friday..friday...

Sounds pathetic for a teacher right..? Its not that bad lah... the 25bucks is what i hv got left to SPEND for the rest of 2 or 3 days.. I do have savings in my OCBC account..thats the more important one. Been trying to save up for my engagement or wedding..But then..what the hell? If that card is with me right now, I'll use up evry single cent that i have in that account since i'm not going to have an engagement anymore. Fuck. Ok..i lied. I can't use every single cent cos i have to have a minimum amount of $500 in that account.

5) Internet.
I will be at home downloading songs. It's my latest hobby. When i say latest, i meant, as of yesterday. heheh...

Ok.. Thats today from me...

Kingdom of Heaven

I was iniatially very hesitatant to watch the movie. Well, simply because i found out that it was about Christianity vs Islam in some kind of war a thousand year ago. I was afraid that since most probably it'll potray Christianity in a positive light and since I'm looking from THEIR perspective.. I'll unconsciously be rooting for them to win the war. And thats wrong.

But, I went ahead to watch the move, for a few reasons.. first, of course..who could resist Orlando Bloom in that kind of period movie welding a sword and all.. second, Shreil convinced me that we should just watch it for the sake of the 'árt' and forget all the religious issues at hand. Third, I just love those kind of movies..(remember Gladiator, Patriot, Braveheart and LOTR) Its MY kind of movie..though I'll always end up crying which I absolutely hate. Lastly, Orlando Bloom in a knight suit, welding a swood, long hair, broody.. or have i mentioned that? Right. I did. Orlando Bloom.

It would have been a total waste if I didnt go. It was a fantastic movie. I love it. Absolutely. I was impressed by the fact that whoever made the movie was able to make it in a way that it didn't somehow potray either religion as the 'bad guy'. You know, how Hollywood likes to stereoype 'óthers' (Chinese, Japanese, Russians, GErmans) as the bad guys. They are the only good nes around in this world. And since this is THEIR movie and its about Christianity and Islam.. I thought for sure they'd potray the Muslims as a barbaric lot or something. But they did not.

That was good. The message that they tried to put across is ( what I think, that is) that WHAT in th world are we fighting for? Why must there be bloodshed? Basically, like what all those Miss Universe contestants would day.."WORLD PEACE" Seriously. World Peace. Thousands and thousands died. For what? They fought for what they believed in. I respect them for that. They were willing to die for they beliefs. Both sides. It hurts to see how hard the Christians tried to defend the walls of Jerusalem (or rather, the people BEHIND the walls) and it hurts me more to see fellow Muslims to died fighting in the name of Allah s.w.t. They fought for WHAT they believe in. WOW. I TOTALLY TOTALLY respect them for that.

But then, I'm not a person who'd advocate war or anything like that. I'm the direct opposite. I'm a peace loving kind of person. I always wonder why can't we all live in peace and harmony? What is SO DAMN difficult about THAT! You do your own business and leave others to do theirs. Is that difficult? Why must you fight over land? Why must you kill each other? I still dont understand that. Why must people of different race or religion go to war. To defend THEIR religion? I'm talking in circles right now cause I'm thinking in circles. I'm desperately trying to make sense of things here. Of Life.

Somewhere in the movie mentioned something like..ermm.. what does God wants? Something along the line. And the answer was like... a person who does good. Its as simple as that. You do good things. I'm sure, all that God want from us is very simple.. for us to do good. Use our mind and our heart to do good. DO GOOD. SIMPLE. Not go around trying to claim our lands.. killing one another... Just do something good in our daily lives. As simple as that. Why can't they get it?

Things like those people taking hostages and cutting off their necks like their somekind of sacrificial lambs.. Is that good? I dont think so. What are they fighting for? The religion. Yes. But WHAT exactly? How can those actions actually help the religion or most importantly the believers of the religion? What good will come of slaughtering innocent people. Normal people .. at the wrong place and wrong time. Is that GOOD? Does that make one a hero or a better believer in the eyes of God? As compared to ordinary people like me.. who, in our own simple ways..try to make the world a better place. Me, trying to change the life of my students to be more meaningful, better. Me who stays back after school to talk and solve the problems of my students. In God's eyes.. who is better? The person who is brave and willing to die for the religion by suicide bombings..or plain me who is trying to 'make a difference in other people's life'? I have no idea. I wouldnt know the answer until THE DAY comes. The day where all our deeds and misdeeds will be evaluated and we'll be rewarded/punished accordingly.

Someone told me early in the morning that he hoped that I'd have a fun day today. Well, maybe I will..maybe not. But I'm going around with a heavy heart. And when the heart is heavy, it is hard to have a fun day.

I had a tiff with Shahreil again yesterday. What's new..you may ask.. Hehehe..We argue all the time that sometimes I really wonder why we are still together. I'm still trying to figure out the dynamics of a relationship. That sounds so scientific huh. Hahah... In simpler words.. what is a good relationship? If two persons are so in love..why do they argue all the time? If love is so wonderful and can make you laugh like there's no shit at all in your life, then why can they hurt you so much? Its all a big question in my head. A heavy heart and a heavy head. Fuck. Luckily I'm not that heavy..( hey..I'm 47kg now ok!~)

Me and Shahreil. We are so different. In looks of course...I'm the more good-looking version.. he has big ears while i have big ermm...big..nvm.. He has a JLo butt..mine looks like errmm.. Ally McBeals'?? I have a degree..(Hah! I win this one!) But he always beat me at boggle and scrabble and who wants to be a millionnaire..(But ITS ME who has the bloody piece of paper that states that I'm a bloody graduate!)

Other than that.. we have different perspectives of EVERYTHING else.
I want to ride a huge, tonggek, flashy bike but he's happy with his little vespa.
I want to be romanced and he thinks its Romen. (which is of course different even though the word romen came from romanced)
I want to have lots and lots and lots of money in the bank..but he thinks that money is to be spent and no use getting stressed up when you have not much savings even though you have worked for like 3 years.
I want to keep a kitten as a pet. He doesnt want to.
I want to live in Punggol. He wants to stay near Alif.
I want to go Buru. He hates Buru.
I want to watch mindless action movies with endless fightings and explosions. He wants to watch arty farty movie which sometimes drive me nuts.
I want us to still dress nicely when we go out and he doesnt care how we look like.. slippers, sans makeup, dishevelled hair..anything.
I like to talk as in TALK. He likes to do nothing together.
I'm a morning person. He is an owl.
My life revolves around HIM. His life around Alif and whoever is there at Alif.
I like to have long conversations on the phone. He likes to call and ask how are u and put down.
I like to settle arguments right there and then. He wants to have space to cool down.

See.. we are two very different people.

It was a wonderful weekend for me.
Sort of regretted that i didnt follow my mum and sisters to KL, but well... i had a wonderful time right here in Singapore.
Saturday, was nice. I got to witness Bunchit & Nisha's akad nikah. How sweet. But it wasnt as touching as the time Shai n Gindon got married..or Kak Shireen and Abg Faisal (though they r now officially divorced) MAybe it's because I dont really know them that well. So.. i wasn't reduced to tears or anything.

Sunday ws nice too. In fact, it was a fantastic day! I got to spend the whole day with my love. From the weddings to his house..to the chalet. Every single moment was like wonderful. I especially love the part where we were at the chalet. Felt so much like I'm part of the family, or most importantly, his wife. Heheheh.. Had a wonderful time playing boggle.. haven't touched that thing in like a million years..No wonder I was the worst! Hahahhaha... But it was fun. I'd like to thank my love's family for making me feel so much like one of them. Evevn that muncung girl is starting to warm up to me.. Heheheh.. Thats nice. What an achievement! I just can't wait to marry him .. and then..i'll be able to stay overnight and not drag myself home like i did yesterday. Or..I've got a better idea..then me and him, can go home (his house).. which is obviously empty and engage in the noisiest and violenest(?) lovemaking session all night long. Hahahahhaha...

I love you Shahreil Bin Bakri.