Dirty Dancing

I watched a clip of the final dance scene in Dirty Dancing and I'm mesmerized by it.
The dance, the music, and of course, by Patrick Swayze.
I don't remember him looking sooo.. yummylicious.
I guess that's because, when I first watched Dirty Dancing, i was still in primary school and I had no raging hormones whatsoever.
But now, nearly 15 years later.. I looked at him in those tight black pants on that equally tight butt, slick dance moves that he executed to perfection..and of course, that bad boy look.. I fell in love. Never mind that by now he's old ..way to old in fact (he's the same age as my dad!), I'd like to remember him as that young, hot blooded, rebellious dance instructor. How i wished he's MY dance instructor!

I'm going to rent the movie tomorrow!

My grandparents held a kenduri today.
Basically it's for my aunt who's going off to Mecca in a few days time.
So, today, I want to talk about family. Specifically, my family.

I miss such family gatherings. I still remember the time when gatherings like that was very common. We had one almost every 2 months. And how I always looked forward to them.
I always see it as an opportunity for all of us, grandparents, uncles, aunts and cuzzies to get together and just enjoy each other's company.. And enjoy we did. Such occasions were always filled with laughters.
I loved being with all of them. We were all such happy-go-lucky people.. Unlike my dad's side of the family who are more serious, prim and proper.. these people were more open and sporting. We could joke with my uncles and aunties like old time friends.

But things changed. Just look at today. Not all the families were there. Lame excuses given. Can't they be more creative? Fall sick EVERY time there's a kenduri? Oh puh-leez!

I really HATE them for what they did to my parents. I hate them to the core! Brainless people with baseless and vicious accusations. They made me lose faith in family ties. Really. Sometimes I look at my siblings and think to myself, one day, they will turn against me like my mum's siblings turned against her. So, why bother being nice to them?

BUT I promised myself that I will not let my siblings have the same fate as my parents. No way.

I read something from the net today, and somehow it struck a chord with me.

Ingatlah orang yang memutuskan tali persaudaraan akan menerima laknat daripada Allah S.W.T.
Ketika Nabi berada di Arafah pada waktu Isyak bersama-sama sahabat, tiba-tiba beliau bersabda yang bermaksud:
Aku tidak menghalalkan siapapun yang pada petang hari ini dalam keadaan memutuskan tali silaturahim kecuali dia harus meninggalkan kami.
Dan yang jelas rahmat Allah tidak akan turun di tempat yang ada suatu kaum yang memutuskan hubungan silaturahim.

The point I'm trying to drive across is, Those people will have to answer to Allah for what they have done and said. And I am looking forward to that.

I Fought, but I Lost

A student of mine quit school yesterday.
When I first heard the news, I felt a sudden emptiness in my stomach.
Another student leaving. Another failure on my part.
I know I can't blame myself for my students' own foolishness.
I know I should heed Shahreil's advice and be like most of my collagues and just not care so much about these unthinking teens.
But I can't. I entered this profession because I cared enough. I wanted to make a difference in these young people's life. I wanted to help them.
And I tried to help in every single way.
I talked, I lectured, I scolded, I listened, I cared.
But it never seems enough.
And it hurts most when you've spent so much emotionally, but you still lost them in the end.

And I can't help thinking, maybe if I had done this or that a little bit more.. I could have stopped it from happening.

I don't know.
I'm beginning to lose faith.
And I pray that I will never turn to be one of those teachers who couldn't care less about their students.

I Not Stupid..just plain idiotic

I was an idiot yesterday.
That is weird because Diyana is the idiot in my family, not me.
Hehehhe..

But yesterday, I did things which were so idiotic that if there was a 'who-is-more-idiotic-diyana-or-pweety-me' contest, I'd definitely win hands down. I won't say what I did, but it involves a water bottle and hot pink bras from Blush.

It's a busy busy day for me today. I actually spent hours marking books after books after books. But at the end of it, I felt really proud of myself. And the fact that I've gotten rid of the piles of books on my table, makes me feel way better now.

Neways, let me let u have a glimpse of my 2nd home. My office, that is.

And yup.. I have lots and lots of slippers at work. Sometimes i wonder how they got there in the first place.

Monday blues..? None...

Shahreil sent me to school today.
He was at my void deck at exactly 6.30am.
I thnik this must be the 3rd time he sent me to school...and as always, I loved it.
Thanks dear, even though the real reason was because you wanted to get your i/c which you absent-mindedly gave me.. heheheh..
but who cares..I don't. The fact remains..you sent me to school today.

P.S: You look tempting in the morning too.

Fatty Bom Bom

I'm feeling fat now..
Arghh!!!

My Beautiful Week

It's a pretty happy week for me. On Wednesday, my sisters and I plus our dear cousin, Prebet Tiot suprised Lukman at his East Coast Park shop. There was so much laughter that I totally forgot that the next day is still a working day for me. I don't remember having so much fun for a very long time. I loved every minute of that outing. Suddenly I feel very alive again. I'm not the person who is so bogged down by her work anymore.

All of us made a promise that we'll do this every single week, whenever Tiot gets a chance to escape her 'Firaun'-like job. We truly deserve this. After being separated for so many years by the causeway..we truly deserve this. I think we've all missed each other's company.

Work was kinda smooth too for me. I think the reason was because I kept telling myself to take things easy. And not to get so worked up by the shits in school. I did that and hey! It certainly felt so much better.

The best thing for this week, is the news that someone special had for me. Nothing can beat that. See, I told you.. all those rejections and disappointments were for a reason. Now you've got something far better. And you deserve this. Words can't describe how happy i am for you. Congrats..congrats..congrats....

In Love

Longest Yard was wow!
And now, I'm in love with Adam Sandler.

What a Weekend!

I had a rather suprisingly busy weekend. In a good way kind of busy, though. It's good actually because it took my mind off the fact that I'm still in Singapore and not spending my very short 1 week break in Buru. Ok fine! I'll stop talking about Buru. Some people might just get sick at the very mention of Buru. Heheh.. But can't help it, I'm addicted to that place. Ok..let's see how I spent my weekend. Saturday morning, woke up real early to go back to school and clear my desk. Yup, my desk is reaaallii neat and tidy now. So proud of it, and the fact that I only took 1 hour to clear everything. Then, me and Ikin went round and round Marina Square and Suntec for I dunno what also. Ikin, hates crowd and also window shopping. So, she's not the best person to be with when you want to do some window shopping. She complained and complaind and complained. But then, she's the perfect gossip partner. Hahahha..So that was fun. I fell in love with this gorgeous top from MANGO. It's beautiful and definitely look real good on me. Hahhahaha... But seriously, beautiful beautiful beautiful. It'll make me look boobilicious. Shahreil would so love it. :-P But, the thing is, it costs $99. Can you imagine that? $99! I'm not the kind of girl that will think nothing of throwing $99 on one top, no matter how beautiful it is. I mean..$99 i s wayyyy to much for a top, don't you think. I dunno..I might just grab the top the next time I set my eyes on it anyways..

At Suntec, me and Ikin trooped all around the building trying to find Secret Recipe. I had Oreo Cheesecake and Ikin her Choc Mud. Yummy..






After Maghrib, me and family, minus the big boss decided to head down to East Coast to visit my cousin's shop. It's gonna close down next week anyway. Had total fun there. Mum and the lil'kids left around 11.30pm. The babes (me, Ikin and Diyana) decided to hang around and accompany Lukman till closing time at 2. We talked and talked and talked. Most of it crap anyways. Dark secrets were spilt, but we promised that 'biar pecah di perut jangan pecah di mulut'. So..I won't mention anything here. Heheh.. AT 2am, we decided to continue our chat at Mc Donalds in Tampines. We ate and chatted till 4 am. Wahhh... bergadang seyy..

Today, Awie and Erra got married. Not THAT Awie and Erra. Forget it, I'm too lazy to explain. That took half of the afternoon away. After that, me and Shahreil went to TM to just eat and eat again. Now both of us are feeling fat. Hahahhaha..

So, to sum it up.. I had a good weekend!

My Day Out with ShahGaJ

Another fun day out with the EllyFun.
A simple picnic at East Coast park.
He cooked me my favourite maggie goreng.
And i got him pizzas, garlic bread and beef bacon. His favourite foods.
We ended up lying on the breakwater, chatting and eating and chatting and eating and trying to guess what's the next plane that's goin to fly above us.
At times like this, I miss Phi Phi. And my dashed dreams of having a new life there.

I Thank God for Thee..

I thank Allah for blessing my life with:

a) A stressful, tiring and sometimes thankless job. Nevertheless, all these just make me all the more confident that it is indeed a noble job! The kids, they are the ones who make me feel like pulling my hair out, but they are also the ones that make me laugh and smile. Weird..

b) My family. Dad and Diyana missing from the pic. Pretty dysfunctional, yet happy.

c) YOU. You know who you are. The best that has ever happen to me. Looking forward to many more happy years with you. Insyallah.

The Reasons

I'm not sure what I'm going through right now. But it's certainly not good.
There's so much sadness and depression in me.
I wish I could be happier. For my sake and for the sake of others around me. Who love me and care about me and will not be happy to see me in this state.

Someone wise told me that Happiness is a state of mind. I'm sure it is. And I'm sure I have a choice in the way I feel about things. I think, I've been taking things for granted. I tend to look so much into what I DON'T have that I neglect the fact that there are so many wonderful things in my life that I just take for granted.

1) A happy family. True, having a family as huge as mine, there's not a day that passed without any quarrels..big or small. But it is a happy family. I didn't realise how lucky I am till I look at the state of some of my students' families. Very sad. So, there you go, I do love my family.

2) My job. Damn! This is one thing that has been making me depressed for the past few weeks..Hell! For the past 2 years, in fact! .. But then, this is in fact my childhood dream! Being a teacher! I've always wanted to teach and be the hottest teacher in school. And yup, not afraid to admit that I AM the hottest teacher in school. Hahahah..tak malu siakz.. And despite all the shits at work, I think, at the end of the day, I do love what I am doing.. moulding the future of our nation. Hahahhaha...

3) I have Shahreil. Even with all the shits in my life, he is the pillar of my strength. My sisters will gag at this, but it's true. I take him for granted sometimes.. We bicker all the time. Shout at each other, hurl insults and sarcasms.. But I am glad that I have him. I remind myself every now and then, how much I wanted him last time. (yeah.. hate to admit this, but I was the one who fall for him first. Damn!) How hurt I was when I thought he liked someone else. How badly I needed him. I count my blessings for having him here with me, after more than 6 years. And very much in love. And I'm just looking forward to the day where we will be united as husband and wife. Insyallah.

So, there you go. 3 wonderful reasons why my life is so much more meaningful than I ever thought it was. I thank you Allah for loving me enough to have me blessed with such wonderful things/people in life.

My 1 Week Break

Yup, it's my one week break..whatever that is left of it anyway..
Didn't have a good start though.
My plans of having my well-deserved rest in my favourite place with my favourite people (ok..Shahreil is my FAVOURITE FAVOURITE people..he's so high up there that he's not counted, so don't start getting jealous, mister!) was dashed..by my sister.
I don't want to go into it as I'm still kind of pissed and terribly sore at her.

I bawled my heart and eyes out when I realised that I am not going to Buru.
People may not understand it, thinks I'm crazy or petty or whatever..but they don't understand.
I've been looking forward to this trip, the idea of goin to Buru has kept me goin on for the past few weeks.
During those difficult days in school..juggling the MTL Week matters, admin stuffs and whatever things that those people up there felt like heaping on me.. I kept telling myself, this will be over soon and I will be resting in Buru, drinking freshly plucked coconuts by the sea.. eating seafood everyday and listening to dangdut at full-blast like its nobody's business.. The kind of things that will keep my mind off work. And I'm telling you, i really need that. I think about work 24/7. Even now, even in my sleep I dream of work. It's crazy, believe me.

I was then in my normal pessimistic mode. I locked myself in the room staring into space and wishing that this holiday would be over, as I know it WILL be over sooner or later anyway, so that i can get back to my normal, hectic, overworked life.

But then, i realised, with Shahreil's help that is.. and my horoscope from LIFE section of the ST (it really struck a chord!) that I can't just let this holiday pass just like that. I should enjoy it. I fucking deserve this.

So, I'm quite adamant in having fun. I had fun with Shahreil last night. It was so full of laughter. All silly laughters that I missed so much. He kept saying that I havnt been laughing as much since i started work. It's true... It's not that he's not funny anymore or I'm not having fun with him anymore..It's just me. Sometimes I don't even have the energy to laugh.. But yesterday I was laughing so hard. It was so much fun.. Silly fun. I love him. I know that you all know that, but I'm saying it again anyway.. I LOVE SHAHREIL BIN BAKRI.

Today, I'm going to have a picnic. Going to bring food and all. Quite excited. I love picnics..not him though, so it's kind of suprising that he suggested having one.

Tomorrow, I'm goin clubbing with my sisters and my cousin.. Look how it goes right.

Well, all in all..things should be fine.

i wish he'd meet me instead of going for soccer.
but then again, what the hell.

i've got a splitting headache.
fuck!

Teacher's day

And i forgot to add..
teachers day celebration was splendid.
well, i deserved it..
ALL teachers deserve it.
once a year, students treating you like you are the king and queen..

i got presents.. a huge teddy. nearly 3/4 my size..from my 2E girls.
cards and sweets..even from Khairi..that little rascal..hahahah...and i appreaciate that.
a handmade card from my dear zim

and the most special.
shahreil suprised me with a bouquet of flowers! half a dozen of daisies...different coloured.
i love the fact that he could sense my growing tiredness of boring roses and is getting me diff kinds of flowers ..
i love him for celebrating teachers day wih me
i love him
he's the one that has made all these shit and stress at work bearable.
i love him so much that it hurts sometimes.

i love you, shahreil.

A hellish Week

The past 2 weeks have been a hell of a roller coaster ride... more downs than ups, that is.
It was the hardest 2 weeks of my working life... and my working life is not that simple to begin with.

I think, mainly because it's is afterall term 3.
and term 3 is the like the worst term..try asking other teachers.
things are like going so crazy at work.
everything piling up on top of you that you can barely breathe.
and speaking of breathe..last week, whenever i think about work, specifically about the MTL Week.. i couldnt breathe. Yup, it's THAT bad.

anyways..back to my horrible 2 weeks.

work was piling..meetings after meetings, and i still see no point for those..
i had to fight with other teachers for students' time after school.
i had to plan and plan and plan and plan for the MTL Week.

The MTL Week thingy was the worst.
The exhibition, the concert, the traditional games fair!
And I'm i/c of everything!
partly my fault, cos i didnt delegate the jobs to the rest of the ML teachers.
well, its just not me to ask others to do stuffs.. but now, i learn that i HAVE to delegate the tasks..if not, i'm the one having anxiety attacks during MTL Week.

but..all things being said..
i guess everything went well and i'm kind of proud ..and glad, of course, that i did it..

the exhibition went well...students were flocking the stalls..especially my tepak sireh and bunga rampai and all..
cos genius me purposely gv all ML students a compulsory quiz sheet that they had to fill in before the exhibition.hehehe..
but i think, those kids were truly interested in the stuffs at the end of it.
teachers came, even canteen vendors and school cleaners came to look at our xhibit and asked the students questions and were very happy when they got to take the bunga telur and bunga rampai foc.
you sld see the smiles on those wrinkled faces.
and this pakcik cleaner even recite a pantun for the kids..
and dear makcik maznah gv an impromptu 'talk' on sireh..

the concert..this was the one that was killing me!
a concert, is a big thing..unlike the exhibition
the worse that cld happen with an exhibition is that no one comes to visit..
and who actually cares.? nobody, really..
but a concert.. fuck that up and it'l be a fodder for gossip..
everyone impt will witness it..the P, VP, HODs, other teachers.
and i was going crazy..i mean, rehearsals were like shit..
and on the real day itself, my co-i/c was on mc.
so, i'm the one running the show..so anything happens..its my ass..

i nearly broke down the day before the concert.
hell! i was exhausted.

but thankfully, everythin went smoothly on the actual day.
the P even said that it was splendid. (3 cheers for yati)
it's a gd feeling..

and today, the malay traditional games fair..
it was ok, considering the fact that it wasnt really planned out.
i had fun with the kids, competing in congkak and stuffs...
small but i guess a few kids learnt a few things..

*phew*
i deserve this break!