Hello.
Its me again.
I should be asleep now, but I can't
I ate fedac, hoping that it'd work its wonders on me again tonite, but so far, i'm still wide awake.
Someone told me before it's all in the mind.
Never wanted to agree with him cos well..i just like to disagree with whatever he say.. but i guess he's right. He's always right about almost everything and i'm the one with the degree...Bah! Useless.

My state of mind. No good.
Its the worst ever in 24 years and errmm..10 months.
I'm going around with this empty feeling in my stomach and extra heavy heart.
Never know it can actually really feel empty in the stomach and really heavy in the heart.
Now i know..

Pain.
I keep thinking about pain.
Somehow its indescribable. The pain.
And I wish and wish it's sumthing more physical.
Really wish that i can hurt myself physically so as to channel all my the pain from the heart to the bodily pain. Understand?
I'd rather fall off the stairs like i did last year.. it hurt like hell u noe..the whole flight of stairs..
I'd rather fall off ten more flights of stairs.
Or step on more pieces of glass..like did also last year.
U get my drift.
I'd rather have the physical pain.

This pain, i can't endure any longer.
I'going crazy.
Nothing else seems to matter anymore.
Monday tomorrow. Have nothing after school. So?
Next weekend will be a long weekend. So?
I bought a new pair of shoe and a nice piece of top. So?
So ?
So?
So?
Nothing matters anymore.

I'll be wearing a blouse that i've bought a long time ago but will only wear it tomoro. So?
I have a new piece of gossip. So?
I have found the Ayu Azhari nude pics. So?

Everything is so unnecessary now.
Who do i share all these with?
No one.

Its me now. On my own. And i forget how to be on my own.
I remembered this story.
About this monkey in Buru.
What do u call baby monkeys?
I dunno.
Anyway, this monkey was brought up by my family n Buru since it was a newborn.
It was bottle-fed and all.
When it was abt a few years old, it left in search of his natural habitat and maybe friends of its own kind.
But, sadly, within a few days, it died.
It died of hunger cos it didint know how to look for food.
Its own kind attacked him cos...i dunno ..

Anyway. It died. Couldnt survive being on its own.
Dunno why i suddenly thought of the monkey.
But poor monkey.
It had a name. Should ask my mum tomoro.

I am rambling,arent i?
heheh.. Ok, I'll stop now.

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.
Nothing to look forward to anyway.
Like someone once told me when he was in Ns..just go through the motion.
Just go through the motion..